RIVIERA HASH TRASH 787
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NEXT RUN N° 788 26/4/2015
R*N REPORT N° 787 12/4/2015
50 Shades of Smut
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Have your say-got an opinion? Give it to me and I'll publish and be dammed
Venue, Le Broc
Hare Spare Rib.
Catering; Christine, N.N. and L.E., N..N.
Once again the faithful, plus two unsuspecting Le Broc virgin runners in the form of Little Pinkie and The Pilchard, make their religious pilgrimage to the hillside retreat of Le Broc to carry out the penance under the watchful eye of the Spare Rib.
Little Pinkie looking apprehensive.
Notice the serious "Up", behind him.
Now have a look at the serious down which is giving Little Pinkie gray hair.
The lake is down there somewhere.
An alleged deficiency in the P department, (See Perpetual Motion regarding the 7 P's) had the Spare Rib advertising the lack of Easter Eggs for his annual hillside frolic and that we would be searching for miniatures instead.
And so I sent off for Le Broc with my mind anticipating something along the following lines...............
However, my joy was short lived and Spare Rib informed us that suitable glucose replenishment would be available if we searched nearby the spot indicated by tiny ribbons tied to tree branches.
Time has not been too kind to Spare Rib and he is definitely slowing down. He set the trail in the morning and then explained he had to walk with the Ladies Walking Brigade to keep them in some sort of order, although I did not hold out much hope for this.
Poor excuse but all will be revealed later. (Not a pretty sight. Ed.)
So, off we go, out of the village towards the track which leads up and over the giant hill situated behind Le Broc. We know it is relatively flat up there as we were running there a few years ago but the slog up is unrelenting.
We are about a quarter way up and we a find our first ribbon.
Laid by the "Ohmygoolie", bird.
Yum, yum, chocs nearby. Perpetual Motion, Procul and The Pilchard (?), eschew the food stop and go leaping off into the distance
No Satisfaction's eagle eye spotted the nest of eggs before Padre managed to snaffle them and shared them around whilst the front runners were scratching around, and I do mean scratching, through the bush trying to locate the true trail.
We were pleased to hear they were below us, shouting they were On trail, indicating we might not be going up the bloody great big hill.
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.
I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!
Scratching over and he pack is all back together again, Perpetual Motion and Procul taking advantage of our chocolate eating break to checkout two false trails for us.
Prestressed and Little Pinkie Enjoying (?) the flat bit.
Cumalot then decides, contrary to instinct, that the real trail is down some more. (Inside knowledge here from previous trail laying by him. Ed.) This to be repeated at the next two checks and causing some serious worry due to the amount of serious down and us finding it easier to go down than Linda Lovelace.
The photo shoot opportunities were plentiful and we had a few willing to pose with the Castle/Chateau in the background as they were sure this is where the Beer stop was located, as in previous years.
Oh boy, were we wrong!
A check had us all looking to continue down, even though there was a notice saying the path was closed due to a landslide, (Since when has the little matter of a landslide been a problem, eh?) and when that proved to be false we headed for the aforementioned Castle/Chateau
Sneaky Hare, that was false also. What we experienced runners had calculated as an anticlockwise trial was, in fact, a clockwise one.
A gentle run around the contour for about fifteen minutes took us towards the Beer stop.
This is what Cumalot did, missing out the next bit of the trail.
However, this gentle run around the contour had a sadistic loop in the middle up towards the village with a check halfway and had all the front runners doing a Grand old Duke of York impersonation and Little Pinkie and I met them all coming down again.
For the Non English amongst you;
At last, the welcoming site of the Beer stop and true to form Christine N.N. and her new assistant, L.E. have provide a scummy feast of calorie laden energy food.
View from the Beer Stop. Notice all the home cooking "Goodies," on the wall and the lake below.
A twenty minute wait before the first of the L.W.B., in the form of Toss Pot, hove into view.
The L.W.B. have been locating chocolates on their trail also and now all that was needed was to wash them down with Rose wine.
Here is the preview of the RHHH L.W.B. 2016 calendar.
You will see it has taken some dedicated effort to reach this level of perfection.
Beer stop over and the runners are sent off in the opposite direction tot he walkers and worryingly it is more down.
This is the direction in which we are heading. Worrying!
Worrying amount of down required to reach this point.
We continue down for quite some time and are rewarded by a veritable treasure trove of Easter Eggs, and a few naughty words from Prestressed,
because right beside the eggs was an expletive cross.
A two km. straight down and then back up, false trail.
We were lucky the Eggs were still there as the safe had been blown open.
"You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off."
This safe was at least 1km. from the nearest road and down a step, tiny forest trail. I would dearly love to know how it was placed there.
Back on he road once more and it is then a gentle (Like Hell it was gentle, Ed.) jog up the hill to the start, meeting a lost and confused Fairy Plunger disoriented in the village.
Notice the time on the clock?
O.K. the run started later than the advertised start of 1430hrs. but ..............
Talking to the Hare, Spare Rib, afterwards he informs me that the trail was set without any planning as the trail he wanted to use had been closed but as he has covered thousands of Kms. running in this area it was not too arduous.
We, the pack had also run many kms. in them thar hills and we knew where we were all the time but there were so many twists and turns we never really worked out which direction we should have been heading.
And so another Spare Rib Easter trail end with more dirty tricks than a whore in a coal mine.
And, for the Ladies Walking Brigade who are concerned about following a marked trial, try reading the following article and wonder how and why this 71 year old can do what he does after all his medical problems.
Further reading can be found here;
Feeling a bit of a wimp now/
Cumalot called the assembled throng together for a languid circle which was areal pleasure after the hurried circles of late.
The secretary taking notes regarding the Down Downs, (Name the irresponsible person. Ed.) has taken leave of absence and not forwarded the names of the guilty.
These may, or may not, be inserted at a later date.
But I have located a suitable link for those missing the Shit of the week nominations. See below.
The "Crap App."
Please remember Mme. Mouton and her Rabbits, (No, not that sort of Rabbit. Ed.) she desperately requires volunteers to set trails.
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!
R*n 788: NEXT HASH 26-Apr
What? Hash 788 – Le Cannet’s Curious Canal
Where? Le Cannet (atop Cannes)
When? 26 April Sunday 10h00 for a prompt 10h30 Start
Hare: Sex Club
The Hash will start from the fountain in front of the “Marie”/ Hôtel de Ville 20, boulevard Sadi Carnot BP 30089 - 06115 Le Cannet.
How to get there?
Exit autoroute A8 at (E80) (Sortie 42) D6285 Le Cannet (Cannes) and follow road signs, Bretelle, then on the left pick up Vieux Chemin de Mougins or Route de Valbonne & follow fown rue Saint Sauveur. Watch for town Parking, such as Parking Saint Sauveur or get close to Le Cannet “Marie”/Hotel de Ville or Musée Bonnard – they are beside each other on blvd Sadi Carnot.
Just get yourself to the fountain in front of Le Cannet Hotel De Ville before 10h30.
Restaurant on rue Saint Sauveur – limited seating, please confirm your attendance. Thank you
Sex Club: 07 81 20 17 80