RIVIERA HASH TRASH 761
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R*N REPORT 761
WALKERS' REPORT 761
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I had forgotten that Prestressed has found a wonderful and under exploited destination for his hashes, being as far removed from city centre life as is imaginable. A grand old pack turned out to attend the memorial of Knicker Licker and Big End (though sadly both of them elected to stay away...poor show!) and, most importantly, totally ignored Prestressed's instructions to park in Intermarché and car share to the start.
As it happened, there was absolutely no problem to park, just to find the start point, which was as deep in the Var countryside as it is possible to imagine. It's amazing to realise just how far away from the big city you can get, but Prestressed knows all the spots. Rumour has it that he used to rally down the dirt roads we hashed on in his halcyon days. All we know is that he set a glorious hash for us.
The turnout was complemented by a fine mob of veteran hashers, including the recent birthday boy Sadist, who insists that he will for ever more be 69. The visitors and returners were spiced up by our very own Maneater and Suckon from deepest Queensland. They are back in Europe to consecrate their 10th wedding anniversary in Barnes (is it really that long?). Or did I mean consummate? You can never be sure with these antipodeans. Apparently they are staying in a small apartment in downtown Nice, generating complaints from all the neighbours. Worse, the rail & air traffic control unions have both called strike action in protest at the disruption the pair's antics have caused on their services. The wear & tear from all the bouncing has apparently aged the equipment by decades. No wonder they both look so incredibly fit and happy!
Another welcome hasher was Duchess of Cambridge, who not only survived his meltdown in Gattières but had also learnt how to approach hot weather hashing, shedding his 3 piece suit for shorts and a sunhat. This was a wise decision, given that the hash was set so deep in the countryside that an ambulance would have not arrived in time to sort him out.
Bisous over, the hash started and wound through the dirt tracks of the Var. The hare had thoughtfully set most of it in the shade and provided iced water, so whilst the heat sapped at the energy, the chances of more Duchess style incidents was minimised.
There is a problem in writing up a run report several days after the event. More specifically, I remember very little beyond the runners regularly overtaking the chattering walkers, Wuff Diva regularly calling after her dog, Sadist leading the pack and Cumalot continuing his streak of sprints followed by walks. High Intensity Training hash style.
After a while, Prestressed recommended that Jobsworth steal the beer car keys from Pedo as the runners would arrive at the beer stop first. A very welcome break was taken as the walkers ambled up some time after the runners. The second half provided more of the same, except for an extremely long falsie that was much welcomed as it included the welcome refreshment of wading through a stream. Bliss!
Run over, the pack convened for the circle. Fortunately Farty Bum took copious notes and they are saved for posterity below (copied word for word, so you can judge the level of attention she gave:
First, a toast to Knicker Licker and Big End, watching us from somewhere up in the sky, and to Duchess who was brought back to life.
Next, Health and Safety Regulator Sadist appointed Nurse Maneater to take the compulsary urine samples proposed by Sneaky Bastard after Perpetch's declaration last week that "The most simple indicator of adequate hydration levels is clear urine."
Madame Mooton, Suckon, Smelly Pooh and Perpetch were chosen at random, given jars and ordered into the woods to fill them. After a considerable waiting period, they returned and only Madame Mooton, with "the clearest urine ever seen" proved to be adequately hydrated. All others were forced to comsume their urine due to severe dehydration.
Hares: Prestressed, Confusion, TerryNN
Difficult Scandinavians, constantly talking: Cristel, Siri
Chattering (Iron lady, M Mooton), having two sticks (Two Cheeky) and miscellaneous (Duchess, Terry)
Non-regulation footwear: Two Cheeky
Holding wife's left breast during circle: Serge
Returners: Maneater, Suckon, Two Cheeky, Serge, Wuff Diva, Dire Rear, Jason (Skinny A's son), Farty Bum, Scandinavians Ulf & Gunella, Neils & Christelle and Terry & Siri, non-Scandinavians Paul & Sue
Inaugerating new dog: Wuff Diva with Molly
Virgin: Lundy (wife of Jason)
Synchronized headphones: Lundy and Jason
For having an enfant mal élevé (something to do with the headphones, I think): Prestressed
Arriving one hour early: Sadist
Spying on peeing ladies: Sadist
Midsummer Birthdays: Prestressed, Confusion, Wuff Diva, Gunella, Terry, Paul
Scandinavian Midsummer Song: Gunella (Translation: "It gets bloody dark here in winter")
Shit of the Week nominations:
Running through cross, not bothering to come annually from Australia: Suckon
Taking the piss: Perpetch
Playing with his toys in the car again: Pedo
Undefined: Farty Bum
Pheeeewwww .... circle down downs over. Farty Bum is the polar opposite of me and actually remembers and writes everything down.
Circle over, we went back to Prestressed's beautiful villa to find Skinny A beavering away on preparing the most luxurious spread ever seen in the hash world. Lots of time was spent cooling down in the pool or, for the boys, inside the equally cool poolhouse. People nattered and then out came the spread. Magnificent salads (rather naughtily eaten too quickly by certain miscreants), the perfectly cooked meat and the delicious desserts. Hoorah for Skinny A and Prestressed for organising such a wonderful afternoon for all to enjoy.
And so we gathered, in a shady spot in the gorgeous Forêt domaniale de Tourrettes, in the Canton of Fayence, in the Département of the Var -- summoned hence by no less than three birthday hares: Confusion, Prestressed and Terry NN. But hey, who's counting!
As is our custom at this time of year, we raised our glasses to our dearly departed Knicker Licker and Big End. Hopefully by next year we'll have changed the song sung in their honour to something more appropriate than "you'll never go to Heaven in a long, long way"!
And they were off! Accompanied throughout by two caring hares and other aiders and abetters, showing us all how it should be done! 😊 And, in spite of the heat (though most of the walk was in the shade) not one person collapsed, nor was anyone lost -- a record! 😊 (I for one was delighted to see Duchess back and in fine fettle! I didn't do it on purpose Levrette, honest!)
Let it be said, this was one of the most delightful hashy walks we have ever been on! Just enough challenging ups and not too many tricky downs, just enough to have the sweat pouring off us, so the sight of beer car was one for sore eyes! 😊
After MM had thrown freezing water over several necks (with prior permission), and further downing a lot more to stave off the dreaded dehydration symptoms warned of by Perpetch, we were off again -- tripping through a beautiful field of wild flowers and along a flat(ish) trail back to the Start only to be forced by Sadist and Maneater to give urine samples as had been cunningly suggested by Sneaky B! Mme Mouton, suspecting a devious plot, emptied the drink she had been proffered onto the ground thus depriving herself (so they said) of a refreshing G&T! Believe it if you will! 😊
Lots of returners and further misdeeds were duly punished, but you'll have to see FB's notes for the details! SOTW was more memorable, being awarded to a most-deserving Suck On, for not bothering to grace the hash with his presence in other years, in spite of accompanying his wife to Europe. That's Ozzie manners for you! So he was suitably beaten with a big stick -- or was it forced to drink a draught of beer? My memory falters here.
And then we were off to enjoy the REAL reason we were all here -- Skinny A's awesomely fabulous starters, fish, cheese and desserts, and Prestressed's succulent BBQ'd beef and lamb. Many thanks indeed to both of you for yet another gorgeous spread! We sincerely hope your threat never to do another one will prove premature. We promise faithfully not to stay so long in future!!!!!!! 😊
OnOn to Supermarket Trolley's!
5-7 September, Dublin Away Weekend
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R*n 762: NEXT HASH 6-Jul
Sunday 6 July 2014
9.30 am for 10.00 am start
Hares: Confusion (06 95 70 99 63) and Supermarket Trolley (06 63 10 87 77)
This Sunday's Hash will be in Sophia Antipolis, meeting at the entrance to the St Philippe shopping complex, opposite the Casa Pizza Restaurant, 9h30 for 10h00 start, as we are now into July. The walkers route is mainly in the shade and it would be advisable to wear walking shoes or trainers, the runners route is a mix of shade and sunshine.
From Valbonne direction
Take D.3 (Route de Cannes) to the Forum roundabout and turn left onto D.103 (Route du Parc). Go straight over two roundabouts. After the second roundabout (with the big wooden arches), take the left filter lane after 400 m. to the traffic lights. Go straight over the traffic lights onto D.504 (Route de Lucioles). At the 4th roundabout take the left exit into the Casino shopping complex. After 50 m there is parking with the golf course on the left and the Casa Restaurant on the right.
From the A8
Take exit 44 (Antibes) from the A8, take direction Sophia Antipolis/Valbonne/Grasse. Stay on the D.103 (Route du Parc), continuing in the direction of Valbonne until the first set of traffic lights on the right lane, turn right onto D.504 (Route de Lucioles). At the 4th roundabout take the left exit into the Casino shopping complex. After 50 m there is parking with the golf course on the left and the Casa Restaurant on the right.
The OnOn will be at the nearby Auberge de la Source Restaurant, at 13H30, cost will be 22 Euros.
Menu is as follows:
Antipasti de la source (assiette avec charcuterie, légumes, chèvre...)
Salade de chèvre chaud
Saumon et ses petits légumes
Romsteak et frites, salade
Feuilleté de légumes de saison
+ un verre de vin
Please let Confusion or Supermarket Trolley know if you intend staying for the meal, by 13h00 on Thursday, with your choice of starter and main meal.