RIVIERA HASH TRASH 756
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R*N REPORT 756
50 Shades of Smut
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A Hash which despite being trailed with biblical foreboding by veteran Hare Spare Rib, was well supported with little effect on the numbers turning up on a slightly overcast afternoon, though some of the weak and feeble were only vouyeurs and not participants.
The dire warnings and reputation of the Le Broc r*n had, however, put off Al and Fabienne who had decided to take the easy option of a 20k 'mud marathon' in distant Aix-en-Provence instead.
We hope a year of hard training with the Hash will prepare them in time for the Easter Egg run next year.
Conversely Duchess had risen, Lazarus-like, from his near-deathbed ( I thought it was a sore shoulder - ed) to join us.
Coco and Contessa had done their training already, by cycling in the mountains above le Broc earlier in the day, putting even Perpetch to shame.
As is customary, Easter eggs had been concealed along the trail to give both the runners and walkers the incentive to carry on. Madame Mouton (chief vouyeur) was keen that the walkers be left some eggs and not be left nests that had already been raided by well know cuckoo, Padre (it's all lies! - ed).
For those who don't know, Le Broc is halfway up a mountain, so there are only two ways to go at the start of the r*n, up or down. (What about following the contours of the land? - ed).
This year, the start was up. And up. And up.
Spare Rib had managed to find a new way up to the plateau for the r*nners to ascend though they were rewarded with an Easter Egg stop half way up. Any thoughts of leaving anything for the walkers were soon forgotten....
They couldn't possibly be climbing up this trail surely!
Once up on the plateau, the pack was led a merry dance by Spare Rib's long false trails. Now, it is true that the terrain around Le Broc is unforgiving and that injuries and near-death experiences are not uncommon. GM Perpetual Motion was an early casualty, being lost in the maquis and not seen on the trail again.
The concerned pack did briefly consider the consequences of permanently losing the GM, such as:-
Who would arrange the Xmas party?
Who would chair the AGM?
After a lengthy debate lasting 5 seconds it was unanimously decided to leave him to his fate.
In the same location, Wet Spot also fell behind but as he was arranging the next away weekend, Padre (heroically! - ed) went back to rescue him while the rest of the pack (both of them) waited at an impromptu water stop. Being only an hour in it was, sadly, too early for a beer stop.
Once regrouped, the pack ascended to a woody area with more chocolate eggs to sustain them. All the effort of the r*nners and the Hare were rewarded with spectacular views and nature in full springtime bloom.
However, the mixture of chocolate, thin mountain air and over exertion caused Cumalot to stared hallucinating. He was convinced a herd of goats bleating from a farm above the trail were the walkers mocking the runners from the beer stop.This is what a lack of beer does to us! (sounds more like he'd been on the magic mushrooms - ed).
Padre too was afflicted with some kind of mountain madness as he wandered off the trail to investigate some abandoned farm buildings (looking for new lodgings?) in the middle of the r*n. Would we see him again?
This left the hard core of Coco, Sadist, Wet Spot, Cumalot and Smelly Pooh to complete the first half.
After a steep descent through a beautiful wooded ravine, the mythical 'B' sign took us to a clearing in the forest where Christine, aka Mrs Spare Rib, welcomed us with tons of home made cakes and lashings of beer and other refreshing beverages.
Eventually the walkers (and Padre) turned up and, happily, the runners had left some cake and beer for them. This was nothing to do with them being under the beady eye of Madame Mouton who had auto-Hashed to the beerstop.
With just a 30 minute beer-stop, an ice bath and another 30 minutes in a pure-oxygen tent, the r*nners were ready for the second half.
This led down into the forest which the r*nners knew meant there was bound to be some more 'up' and they were not wrong! Spare Rib had managed to find a new trail that had only been cut by the the Legion Etranger jungle warfare team a week previously.
Once this though the virgin forest, the trail re-emerged at a familiar chapel, recognised by veteran hounds as meaning there was only an hour to go before the end.
Spare Rib took pity on us at this point (he's going soft! - ed) and arrived by car to collect the runners with only Padre manfully (foolishly?) continuing unaided and therefore rightly earning a down-down for being late back and holding up the circle.
Happily, GM Perpetual Motion wasn't dead and had made his way back to the start so no need for an early election. Three cheers all round!
Thanks again to Spare Rib for the run in spectacular countryside and to Christine for the cakes.
Nom nom and On-On!
5-7 September, Dublin Away Weekend
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R*n 757: NEXT HASH 27-Apr
St. George and the Dragon
Ready for take off.
Theoule sur Mer
Meet 1000hrs.for 1030hrs. start
Hares; Smelly Pooh, assisted by Padre.
As April 23rd. is the English National Day please come suitable attired for the occasion when we run on Sunday 27th.
There may even be a prize for the best St. George or the best Dragon.
(Mme. Mouton is banned from the Dragon category.)
Leave A8 at Mandelieu and head for La Napoule.
Keep the sea on your left continue heading West.
When you arrive at the traffic lights, in Theoule centre, turn right through the village.
At the roundabout carry straight on and the car park will appear on your right. (A one way system)
As we approach the tourist season the car park fills up quickly so you need to be on time. Hence the earlier start.
Smelly Pooh has done the research and figures this will be early enough to obtain a space but if you adopt the Procul time keeping model you will be finding it hard to park.
For further information contact Smelly Pooh; firstname.lastname@example.org
Tel. ............06217 73817