RIVIERA HASH TRASH 744
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FlyMe & CumCum
R*N REPORT 745
50 Shades of Smut
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The hash met early one Sunday on a cold and windy day in the Var. This could only mean that Farty Bum was among us providing a bit of extra wind. Oh, there was also mud. Lots and lots of mud in the car park, so much in fact that visitor Yogi Bare's little Mercedes got stuck in it and had to be pushed out by Jobsworth, who got mud all over himself and, worse, his mug (that he had unusually remembered to bring) for his troubles. Worse, the dirt on the mug resembled, ummm, "m*d of the week".
Anyway, that event happened at the end. Back to the start. A motley group of hashers gathered to honour Iron Lady & Perpetch's hash after they had hastily stepped in to cover for Wetspot, who was still in Plymouth with Padre. Those who follow their e mails will have seen Wetspot's proposed hash in Plymouth (for a €50 fee). I can only think that his spirit had brought bracing English weather to the Var....and maybe our turnout was low due to some hashers taking him up on his offer.
You could tell that Padre was not with us as the hash started 10 minutes late due to one or two late cummers getting lost. The most spectacular of these was Fairy Plongeur, who was so late that he nearly missed the circle as well as the run. He claims that he arrived early, but at the wrong location. Given that Perpetch was in charge of directions, I can only suggest that Fairy Plongeur checks out whether he really was in the army as orienteering was definitely not the strength of this hash.
The start point was a car part at the foot of the big red mountain that is Roquebrune. It was no surprise when the runners & walkers set off in the opposite direction to that expected. It took but a moment for the runners to be flailing around on rocks, having lost flour. Thankfully Iron Lady was on hand to lay flour for us as she shepherded the walkers. Except, of course, that she said "don't follow this, it's not for you". Grrrrrrr......
This confusion certainly slowed down the small but imperfectly formed group of 4 runners, who eventually took the executive decision to follow the walkers over rocks to the aforementioned red mountain. After a while, flour was relocated and led us through a housing estate, past the local rubbish tip aka throwing washing machines into the valley rather than recycling them (editor's note - wouldn't it be easier to take them to the tip rather than carting them somewhere inaccessible?).
After this, we were on flour and away from the walkers, some would say thankfully. Kums Qwicker showed off her fluent running style, followed by Yogi Bare and with those Kenyans Cumalot and Jobsworth bringing up the read.
HOWEVER, fluent running style counts for nothing on the hash. Kums Qwicker reached a check, "found flour" and carried on for 1 km to "another check", this time with no flour/flour mysteriously rubbed away, from which she found more flour. It was only after another km that the aforementioned Kenyans suggested that Kums Qwicker was, in fact, not on flour at all and took the executive decision to return to the last known check that was by now some 2km back. Somewhat amazingly, Yogi Bare was sill laughing & happy despite our collective floundering.
The correct trail was found at the check and led down a dried river bed that meandered along to the bottom of......the big red mountainous rock, where we found an FRB sign. Being hashers, we decided to ignore the FRB and follow the flour that led up the rock. A while later, we found walking back markers Mme Mouton, who was struggling with a bent stick (ooh err missus) and Iron Lady, who was merrily laying a flour trail as she walked along. Guess what? There was no more flour in front of Iron Lady and the 4 runners started a collective scratching of heads. Fortunately, we heard the dulcet tones of Perpetch shouting at us from a rock on the other side of an impassable gully. Turns out that the FRB marking was the only way for us to go and Iron Lady had been merrily marking a very confusing extra trail for us along the walkers' route!
Once understood, the runners returned to the bottom and imagined a big climb to the top, especially as the walkers were way ahead. Thankfully, Perpetch confounded us by only making us climb a few hundred metres before veering off towards the road and the much needed beer stop.
Very thankfully, the walkers had actually climbed quite a long way further up than the runners.
The beer stop ended with Perpetch announcing that the walkers needed to give the runners a 10 minute head start. This is quite unusual as it often happens that the runners need to hold back as they are to follow the walkers' trail. Not in this case, as the runners were back up the big red mountain along the walkers trail once more. As you can imagine, dear reader, there was a lot of confusion due to not knowing whether the flour was Perpetch's real trail or Iron Lady's "alternative walkers/runners trail". One way or another, we followed flour down some very scrambly shiggy and rock (Yogi Bare still had a grin on her face so it can't have been so bad) until we found ourselves in a private field. For once, the owner was there and even helped us open the gate to get onto the main road rather than chasing us out with a shotgun. They are friendly folk in the Var!
From here on in it was a straight run back to the start (in the case of Kums Qwicker & Yogi Bare) or a slow walk back to the start in the case of Cumalot & Jobsworth.
The walkers were already there and, as Perpetch was concerned about the time, the circle was a quick affair. Apologies for the many missing links as no notes were taken, but whenever did we care about misreporting?
Big thanks to the hares Iron Lady and Perpetch for stepping in and setting a lovely trail.
Virgins, whose name I do not remember (as becomes a good one night stand).
Returners - Dire Rear, Tosspot (maybe), Flyme, Cumcum, Kums Qwicker and all others I forgot.
Visitor - Yogi Bare from Aix, where she wants to start a hash. Strong support was given to her idea during the hash and Riviera HHH would be very happy to participate in helping her inaugurate a hash in Aix en Provence. Watch this space.
Latecummers - several including the "so late it was hardly worth turning up" Fairy Plongeur
Sh*t of the Week nominations - early contenders were Long& Hard for leaving a resto without paying for her coffee and Iron Lady for setting a live runners trail on the walkers trail. However, as befits her, Farty Bum decided to raise the tone by making some false accusations and was justly awarded with a near unanimous vote to be Sh*t of the Week for Misrepresentation.
And with that, the circle was over and the frozen masses made their way over to the resto rather pronto for some nosh.
Many thanks again to the hares for an enjoyable day and onon to the next hash in the Esterel, presented by Fly Me and Cum Cum.
Xmas Hash Bash 14th December 2013
I have now booked the Quai 06 (the same place as our 25th birthday venue)and reserved 10 apartments in the place next door.
The cost of the evening is likely to be around 45 Euros per head.
The accommodation will be 95,50 per apartment NOT per person and will include breakfast.
Try this link to find information regarding the Belgium Interhash bid for 2014.
Book early and obtain a good price. (If they win the bid)
To see what world hash events are coming up, check out this website:
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!
R*n 746: NEXT HASH 8-dec
Sunday 8th December 2013
Meet 10.00 -10.30am at Mandelieu / Theoule
Contact Hare on 06 76 94 69 69 or email@example.com
It's definitely not a buggy friendly, flip flop friendly, kinda start to the hash some of you desire, but after a relatively short pain, once there you will appreciate the stunning views and your fitness, prior to the festive holiday period and dancing stamina needed for the Hash Christmas party the following week.
One of the stunning views of the coastline you will see en route!
OnOn will be back down at le Port de la Rague at the beautiful restaurant "Le Bistrot du Port" (our first ever Hash visit so please all behave!) where you can sit next to and admire all the luxury yachts. Some of you hashers will know this venue as the Hash alternative Friday evening venue for "Happy Hour". We can walk here from the car park where we shall meet and start the hash.
Hash Run directions:
Leave A8 at Mandelieu Centre/La Napoule junction 40, get into the left hand lane and pass around the one way system on the N7 (direction Géant, golf and La Napoule) so the closed down and being refurbished petrol station is always on your left. Get into the right hand lane and carry along Mandelieu main street, passing 2 sets of traffic lights, pass under a bridge and straight across at the roundabout with palm trees.
At the next roundabout with tin statues playing golf take the 2nd exit direction La Napoule so the BP garage is on your RIGHT. Carry along dual carriageway to roundabout; take 2nd exit passing the L'Argentiere campsite on your right and our Christmas Party venue the following week at "Park Suites". Follow road up and around the bends to where you can see the sea, pass through the set of traffic lights to a large roundabout with an anchor. Take the 1st right turn towards Theoule and carry on along the coast road (N98) for a few hundred meters, and take the next turning on the right where the road bends round to the left with a large sign in the form of a sail saying "Port de la Rague".
Go down to end T junction and turn left into the port area, pass a small car park on the right, go under the bridge and there are double barriers here. You can possibly get into the car park on your LEFT by going in the out entrance, and therefore not using the barriers, or take a ticket (don't panic parking is free but keep your ticket to get out!) and then turn right into the opposite car park as you leave the 2nd barrier.
or Fly Me on 06 78 28 32 48