RIVIERA HASH TRASH 735
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R*N REPORT 735
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Run No. 735
4th August 2013
Today's hash started with a novel, high-efficiency fee collection approach when Farty Bum drove in at 10:28 for a 10:30 start. Before she even had time to park, a queue of Hashers, desperate to hand over their cash, had formed in front of her car window, in an unusual show of Hasher discipline.
Thanks to this innovative approach to hash-cashing, the run was able to start only a few minutes late with Paedophil, the lone hare, pointing in the direction the runners were supposed to go. His co-hare Tosspot had delinquently made travel arrangements that conflicted with his hashing duties.
No sooner had the pack of runners surged across the road following a trail of fresh flour than the hare came bounding behind them yelling and pointing at a trail that seemed to go the opposite direction.
[Scribe's Note: contrary to what is said in the report for run 734, running perpendicular to the pack of runners is often the right thing to do if one wants to follow the trail.]
The runners proceeded up the designated hill and followed a narrow path around a long loop that eventually brought them to a check point on the main road, a little way up from the parking lot. Next, as they followed a trail of flour leading away from the parking lot, the runners discovered the second stunning innovation of this run. After following a seemingly strong trail for a while, they stopped seeing flour. Once the absence of flour became conspicuous, they turned around and carefully made their way back to the check-point, looking left and right for a cross, or the continuation of the trail.
Neither was ever found, and it turned out that a second trail was the correct way out of the check-point. This trail went right by the parking lot, and down the path that the runners had originally tried to follow, explaining the agitation of hare at the start of the run.
A narrow, rocky, winding path led down to a stream. The trail followed the stream for a bit before turning and crossing it over some rocky stepping stones. Some runners crossed on the rocks, others took the opportunity to quench their smoldering feet by running through the stream.
On the other side of the river, the trail became increasingly impenetrable as it went through low hanging branches. Apparently the hare had noticed how difficult it was to make progress, as the flour markings ceased. After a while Padre, who was leading the pack, ruled that the trail must be a dead end.
Again, much looking did not reveal a cross or a continuation to the flour trail, repeating a pattern that was oh-too-familiar during this hash.
Proceeding back along the trail, a second path of flour was found -- no, there was no check point -- that led back across the river. This sequence repeated itself: arrow pointing across the river; trail to nowhere. Arrow pointing across river disappears. New trail leads up the river. Check point. Plenty of trails, all but one discretely ceasing to exist after a minute or two of hot, often uphill running.
It was as if a lost hare with sphincter control problems had run around the area leaving droppings here or there with no thought to leaving a trail in compliance with the universally recognized and venerated rules of hashing.
A reliable trail finally did emerge, going straight up a long hill to the long-awaited beer stop, where the runners were able to wring out their sweat drenched clothes. (Did I mention that it was a beautiful HOT day?)
The return path was direct and uneventful. Back down to the river, and back up the same winding path to the vehicles. Padre did a rushed Circle, blaming Farty Bum's innovative accounting methodology for getting the hash behind schedule.
Down-downs went to:
Hare: (note the singular) Paedophil
Visitor from the Land of The Long White Cloud: Commodore Puff
Returners: Procul, Assesaguy, Road Runner
Mugless: Road Runner
Imitating Rally drivers; Farty Bum and Iron Lady
Special mention to Iron Lady for her ability to take a telephone call whilst parked in the middle of the road on a bend.
For crossing the river on his hands: Padre (How else do you explain the top half of his body being soaking wet and the bottom half dry?)
Shit of the week Nominations:
-- Toss Pot in absentia for volunteering to be a Hare and then going on holiday.
-- Farty Bum for innovative accounting and turning up late. She blames Mad Max for this.
-- Paedophil for incompetent catering.
-- Padre for some minor offense nominated by Dirty Dingus
And the winner, for wasting wine by pouring all over the pavement instead of in his glass, by unanimous decree as decided by the unbiased visitor Commodore Puff, was Perpetual Motion.
Second place awarded to Farty Bum.
UK Nash Hash 23-26 August 2013
Porky Rolls 2013. 27th-29th September
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R*n 737: NEXT HASH 1-Sep