RIVIERA HASH TRASH 704
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Contessa & Coco
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My apologies for lagging behind the Contessa on the runners report. A runner lagging behind a walker, who'd have thought it!
Contessa has already amply detailed the walkers part and the circle, so this will be an insignificant addendum to her magnificent missive. I won't mention again the extreme heat or the fact that it was Filipo's final fling with the RHHH for a while and that the he gamely Hare-ed his final run and that the directions were rather obfuscated. It would be folly to go over old ground.
Other than to say, the start did resemble Wacky Races or M. Hulot's holiday as Mme Mouton, Andrea No-name and Cumalot were zig-zagging, reversing, crashing and cursing around the village trying to find the mythical left turn to the start.
So, ready to depart late (a recent RHHH bad habit) we then had to wait for the previously perpetually punctual Perpetual Motion to roll up on his bike. After a few muttered comments about the 7p's the whistle blew, OnOn! was called and all but this scribe stood motionless or chatted with walkers about how the directions were so bad or how it was too hot or how it was so kind of Fillipo to Hare his final run.
Meanwhile, this pink sock-ed scribbler jogged in search of flour, not realizing that the 'pack' were still discussing heat/directions/Fillipo at the start. Half-way across a sun scorched heath he turned to see no one following and, was briefly taken back to earlier times when he had won all the events on school sports day, except the sprint because he couldn't believe the race had actually started he was so far ahead....
....but at 5 yeas old, athletically, he had clearly peaked too soon.
Reality resumed and Modesty shot to the front leaving the rest far behind. The runners trail soon entered a cork oak forest, mercifully shaded from the sun (did I mention how hot it was?). The false trails were clearly set by a proper runner under the age of 40 as they were very long and very false ( did I mention that Fillipo was the Hare?).
After much running and to be honest, staggering, though the forest we emerged in the Grotte de Beaume car park for a very welcome beer stop. There was much discussion about what a Beaume was with absolutely no resolution.
Sabine no-name disappeared for a worryingly long time to use the 'facilities' at the Grotte-y visitors centre and returned looking shocked and talking of an unspeakable horror she had encountered. Whether this was the infamous 'Beaume', Merrydick doing a Prince Harry or just rural French plumbing she was unable to bring herself to say.
As the Contessa has already mentioned, Sabine was persuaded to join the runners and Padre took her under his wing to explain the mysteries of Hashing. Apparently, her biggest surprise was that runners follow flour and this flour is put there by the Hares. Quite a revelation...
How well we keep the darkest secrets of the Hash!
And just to be clear, the runners do usually run but
a) it was very hot
b) it's holiday season and a lot of the other runners were away. Or in bed.
The second half was quite short but there were few complaints (did I mention that it was very hot?) and we were soon back at the start and able to cool off in the horse trough (not lavoir) and to drink the 'Eau non potable' if you were a hare.
Special mention should be made that during the circle, Fillipo, now named SquirrelShit, despite several good suggestions for a name, volunteered to be shit of the week in addition to having a loaf's worth of flour in his hair.
After the circle, Andrea no-name was trying to persuade Sabine no-name (are they related?) to join us in the much anticipated Totti weekend and explaining the cost benefits of shared sleeping arrangements. Unfortunately this perfect sales patter was interrupted by the Sid James and Charles Hawtrey of the RHHH, Merrydick and Pedo (you decide who is who) sniggering about how they could help Sabine with shared hotel rooms.
What a carry on!
Onward to the resto which also doubled as a walk-in pizza oven in the now 37C heat. The genial host made us very welcome and served an excellent choice of salad, charcuterie, steak and dead bunny. He explained he was an Alsatian which makes a pleasant change from some of the Rottweilers we encounter.
During the lunch conversation, Madame Mouton berated Perpetual Motion for his language skills because of a misunderstanding with his lunch order. I feel I need to defend Perpetch here because after many years living, working and dealing daily with the natives, he is definitely fluent in English.
On leaving, Padre reminded the owner that the Hash has been coming to his resto frequently over the years and we would hopefully be back.
Fortunately, Padre said this after we had paid and before the patron could remember any previous damage caused by the Hash and the lifetime ban for excessive nudity. Allegedly.
So thanks again to the virgin Hare Squirrel Shit, and assistant Padre, the hot weather and the directions, without whom, this run report would not have been possible.
OnOnward to Italy!
Forza Italia and a happy bunga-bunga to you all.
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Gothenburg Hash - First week of September 2012 Gothenburg Hash
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