RIVIERA HASH TRASH 703
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TossPot's that is.
All will be revealed later; not a pretty sight.
The usual hot, sticky, August day, broke and commenced with a leisurely mid morning drive to Parc Valmasque. A much more civilised time to start, even if it did mean tearing myself way from the Olympic coverage on the television. I have been so impressed with all this athletic endeavor I have decided I am going to enter the alternative Olympics in the freestyle masturbation event. I am training hard as I am expecting some stiff competition.
And what about the clean and jerk ! Those weightlifters sure show some impressive muscles. And I was captivated watching China's Wang Mingjuan win gold meddle, Only 48kgs,. but did you see her Snatch.?
I digress; Sunday bright and early. Breakfast at breakfast time. Not the middle of the night as we had to do on the last run. Carbohydrate loading with grits and corn syrup running fuel, allowing time for it to enter the system before departing to the largest outside toilet this side of Egypt. I see from the Walkers report that Mme.Mouton is doing her bit for the organic content of the afore mentioned cess pit. All BIO approved I am lead to believe.
Despite the directions leaving something to be desired the assembled throng were all in place ready to go at the start time. This may be due to the fact that Paedophil and Toss Pot have used this start place frequently in the past and was well known. (Especially to the Cottaging element, Ed.) It did not stop the Ga Ga, Na Na with the elephant memory from turning up after we had all left the car park, complaining the directions were wrong. Could it be just coincidence that since her son and grandchild arrived her punctuality leaves something to be desired. Any excuse to find time to be with them rather than exercising ?
Two minutes to go and Padre introduces the Hares and asks for any special instructions.
Paedophil then starts his spiel and Padre once more showing his empathy but mainly being wise to this, starts the run off, on time, despite the protestations of Mud Wrestler saying not everyone had arrived. And, Paedophil complaining he had still not finished with the instructions.
The usual warm up lap around the lake with the Water Lillies in full bloom, this year looking much better than in the past. Larry the virgin, all the way from the U. S. of A even found time, between gasping for breath, to admire the floral display. Padre, ever keen to take advantage of slacking, stood to take in the natural beauty.
Dirty Dingus, having seen it all before, was now way out in front with Furby. Wedgie, not having been anywhere the Parc Valmasque before, was running (running ? Ed.) at right angles, soon to be a distant dot as he disappeared towards the Canal, thinking he was going in the right direction.
We now enter the wooded area with its labyrinth of tiny paths intersecting the yellow flagged national route. Running around in ever increasing circles with the occasional false trail, the lead runner constantly changing except for CoCo who made the fatal mistake of stopping to talk to Paedophil and was left behind to be caught by Iron Lady.
Flour Power tried valiantly to keep up with her older brother but her little legs are not quite as long as his. But, she is a baby woman and so possesses innate female cunning and was able to short cut and arrived at the beer stop before Furby. Thus mightily annoying big brother. More so than usual !
The runners wander in, with the last runner Procul, arriving just before the first walker. I think Procul actually likes to run on his own as he always arrives at the start after the runners have left.
A word of advice to Procul......
You do not actually save any running time by turning up late and hope to find all the checks kicked out. You would be much better off using the Paedophil tactic of having shoe laces which untie themselves at each check.
A prolonged beer stop as we wait for the remainder of the walkers with Confusion"s grandchildren having enough time to consuming their own body weight in out of date chips. The second half was basically, find your own way back along the out trail. It has been such a long time since Paedophil has actually run the second half that he forgot he needed to set a trail.
as reported by Contessa
The hot and hardy mid-summer Hashers met in the Mougin Valmasque Parc at the l’Etang parking. We were about. 20-25, and after a few excuses about there being no flour to follow (why?), we headed off following the melting tarmac in the high heat. (Paedophil says it is because the walkers do not follow it anyway ! Ed.) Joining us on this Hash were some Virgins. Andrea brought along tall and friendly neighbor Larry visiting from the USA (but lives also in Nice, married to a Nicoise). Two ladies (ladies ?) also joined us… Marie Francois and Mikiella, invited by Long and Hard. And we had one visitor who waited for us in the parking lot, Jean Foxy Lady. Sensible lady.
Walkers‘ first stop was a brilliant encounter with nature and out came the cameras: a lookout platform affording an enchanting view the over the largest lotus lake in Europe! Little ducks waddling under large pink flowers and oversized wavy leaves in a massive Etang. Off in the distance across the pond of blooming lotus were other viewing platforms to observe from other angles. All of five years I lived in Mougins, this was a couple kms from my apt, and a new discovery for me. I recommend it to everyone! ( You obviously missed the majority of Paedophils previous Hashes then. Ed.)
Walkers then followed shady trails into the park and it was an easy ramble – no ravines or hills, just a gentle stroll up the paths (all minus flour). Jobsworth will give you the runner’s details.
At this point Mme Mouton in the process of explaining that her new neighbor is a young 101 yrs. old (!), stopped for a necessary ladies moment in the bushes and handed me her hiking baton to hold, and here comes a lady walking her dog, who spied Contessa waiting on the path, holding this hiking stick. So the dog took offense to this and approached violently barking and ready to attack! I could write that the dog ran over and instead bit Mme Mouton in the ass, but this is not the case ( Even I would have thought twice about that, Ed.)… we were quick to leave and then soon found ourselves Lost! All the other Walkers had gone off, and there was no flour to guide us. No breadcrumbs had been dropped for Hansel and Gretel to find their way home. We had no idea where everyone had gone! The Valmasque being large, they could have crossed the road, or gone towards Vallauris etc. So we did the next best thing, Mme Mouton trying to phone to people she knew who had phones on them and curiously, when calling a girlfriend a strange man answered! HA! As we couldn’t find a droplet of flour nor connect to anyone by a phone we reached the main road and walked parallel, realizing we would eventually get back to the Parking/Start.
And wouldn’t you know it, we came across the Beerstop, just a 100 meters away.!!!!!It was like a miracle thanks to ‘Notre Dame de Hashers Désorienté’ So we joined in the group and who else was missing? It was Commandant Coco who had set off on patrol (minus his helicopter) looking for Contessa . Anyway he eventually showed up too and we all enjoyed the Beerstop on this extremely hot afternoon.
(First rule of Hashing; do not go back to look for somebody as they will invariably turn up at the beer car before you ! Ed.)
Padre was observed sneakily pouring cold water down the back of the very fit Mud Wrestler and she then blamed it on Long and Hard!
She also had a sense of humour failure and threw the contents of a one litre coke bottle over the cool box and those standing nearby.
Those of you that know how she acquired her name will not be surprised to hear that.(later on at the Circle Farty Bum threw beer at Padre and then Coco put ice down the back of Contessa and she put ice cubes in his pants.. so you see how fun it is to Hash in high heat… providing there’s ice left over in the coolers!)
Our forest ramble took us around some more paths, not too exhausting except for Farty Bum & Mad Max’s visiting son Modesty, who was wheeling his daughter little Sophie in a pousette. Stone paths were too rocky and hard for pushing the stroller so Andrea N.N.,, Mad Max and Modesty carried ‘a la portage’ the baby buggy with little Sophie, and she looked like a little pampered Cleopatra. At one point we passed the pompiers stationed on forest fire patrol in the Valmasque. They were having lunch – bon appetite! Overheard on the walk was caliente (W.T.F. Ed.) Andrea N.N., the heat now reviving some hot memories of his past life, talking about sexy Nigeria… everyone looking for/getting/giving sex. He should have been nominated for SOTW for this! (So why wasn’t he then ! Ed.)
Hare; Paedophil, Toss Pot, Dire Rear.
Returners; Dirty Dingus Supper Market Trolley, I.D.Y.L Procul , Modesty,
Leavers Joy Rider, Wedgie
New Member; Sabine thank you for your money and no we will not give you a refund now that you know, Procul, your work colleague's secret life is also Hashing.
Big 60 birthday Toss Pot, 60 again Paedophil.
Ditching her Car; The GaGa NaNa Farty Bum
100 Run Mug ; Fairy Plunger Congratulations and only four years, minimum, for the next award.
Virgins; Marie Francois, Mikella spelling ?, Jean Foxy Lady.
Shit of the Week; nominated, Farty Bum for allowing sentiment to cloud her judgement and secondly.....ooooppss can not read my notes as I was carried away in all the excitement. It does not matter too much as the winner, by an unanimous decision from the circle...... was Farty Bum,
Down Down expertly administered by Virgin Larry.
We joined up again with the Parking for the Circle. Padre tells me he will be listing the Down Downs for a scribe to write-up. Joining as a new official member is Sabine and she is so slim she surely needs to hang around a few more beerstops, drinking high calorie and indulging in some chips and chocolate. She is looking forward to seeing Perpetch again to get personal attention when she sets her first run!! (In the kingdom of the blind the man with one eye is King.
In the kingdom of Hash, those of normal size look skinny next to all the fat bastards. Ed.)
And surprise surprise, up drives Two Cheeky and Sergio… and she is still very pregnant and any day now the baby will be coming down down down down ….
Our picnic in the forest was laid back and relaxing; a very well organized Dire Rear showed up with a long folding table, tablecloth, coolers full of all kinds of great food: cold meats, salads, cheese desserts. Ah, but Wedgie was giving her a hard time for not having cappuccino!
A few impressions: Fairy Plunger got into a heated discussion (pun intended) with Farty Bum, as the previous Hash on July 8th, he showed up early morning (Too bloody early if you ask me. Ed.) to take part on her Hash in Villeneuve but claims he was there at the right place and time, and there was no one else (not the case, as 25 hashers were there that morning!). Also joining us at the picnic was elegantly dressed Marcello sporting white walking shorts and a white panama hat; he looked like he could be running the banana plantation. Equally classy and sporting a new hairdo, Marcello’s wife Kathy who is always welcome; she joined the walkers. Meanwhile Merrydick had brought along his private stash of historic RHHH photos taken at his Hash in 1989 on the islands off of Cannes so we all enjoyed seeing those photos and what we used to look like back in the good ‘ole younger and fitter days. Larry was captivating Joy Rider and Wedgie with personal survival stories he’d witnessed: what it was like to be in NYC on 9/11. Max fell asleep on the ground and several Hashers sneakily ‘decorated’ him with props. Dingus was back on a visit and talking about his life and job between Japan and California. And this Hash also saw the return of Idyl Weiss, who graced us with her presence while on a brief visit to the Riviera. We hope she plans to return more often and will set a run too! And finally there was Wedgie, who had rolled up his Klondike flaps on his cap, giving a peculiar look… like he was sporting rolled cloth napkins above his ears! Ah but he can pull it off…! (The little Leprechaun himself to be sure to be sure,)
As this was the 60th Birthday celebration for Tosspot, he was very kind in offering all of us Champagne! So we were lying about under the shady pine trees with the chi chi cicadas singing above, drinking champagne. Such a lovely picnic! Ah but something was missing… an obvious faux pas was lack of a gift for Tosspot; an RHHH gift is always planned for a Hasher who celebrates his/her 60th birthday. It seems that Hash Mismanagement messed up here! Perpetch was off in the UK (was he competing in the Olympics?). This needs to be better organized, as everyone I asked said they didn’t have a clue as to why there was no gift for Tosspot. Anyway we all sang Happy Birthday to him, and also to Paedophil who’s Birthday was the next day, Monday.
And so it goes, the Walker’s Report for August 5th, 2012.
Preview of Coming Hash Attractions:
Not to be missed on Sept. 2: Contessa’s annual across the border Hash in Italy!!! Now in it’s 8th year, full directions in mid-August, so reserve the day now!! This year Contessa and Coco will escort and challenge you through the perched village and mt paths of Airole ( a short drive above Ventimiglia). The Italian restaurant with local specialties is outstanding. Watch for more details to come later…
Gothenburg Hash - First week of September 2012 Gothenburg Hash
Try this link to find information regarding the Belgium Interhash bid for 2014.
Book early and obtain a good price. (If they win the bid)
To see what world hash events are coming up, check out this website:
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!
R*n 704: NEXT HASH 19 -Aug
You can all breath a sigh of relief as Perpetual Motion's run has been highjacked.
It is now Officially;
"The Grottiest Run of the Year".
"The Last of the Summer Whine".
Scary thought that this is the last summer run.
That is it.!
Summer over for another year.
The run after this is Contessa and CoCo's September, Italian effort.
Filipo's Farewell Run and as a Hare.
Filipo N.N. has been catching buses, walking to the start point and camping out to ensure he will set a run /walk you will all remember-.
If all else fails he will at least know where to Bivouac for the night.
Come and kiss him goodbye and assist in his naming ceremony!
Go to Grasse and locate the D6085 which is the Route de Napoleon and head towards Digne. Allow 25 - 30 minutes from here.
Unless you want to partake of the huge open air market with more stalls than a man can cope with and then you will need to allow much more time.
Take your time to enjoy the scenery and watch out for the Kamikaze cyclist who cycle in the middle of the road and the tourists on your side of the road as they are too busy looking at the scenery to notice where they are going.
When you arrive at St Valier de Thiey go through the village, (about thirty seconds ) and on exiting you will find a small roundabout with a topiary bull in the centre. Straight on for 75 -100 metres.
On the left is a small road, ( which looks insignificant ) take this road for 600 metres.
Be there at 1000hrs and pay your run fee.
Park near the water trough.
Filipo N.N. and desperately searching for one before he leaves. (suggestions to Padre welcomed)
04 83 148 068 Evenings only.