RIVIERA HASH TRASH 700
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Note to self - The Côte d'Azur is always hot & sunny in June. Lac St Cassien is in the Var and therefore always even hotter. If a hash is organised there on a June afternoon, bring lots of sun cream, water & cool things. Don't leave a hash anniversary cake in a car boot for 3 hours!
Note to the absent Farty Bum who chose choral heights over the heights of Lac St Cassien - the hash followed a route adorned by lovely and colourful flora.
Note to all other hashers - apologies for the above private joke, inserted because of a complaint from the aforementioned FB that the last run report did not mention anything about said flowers.
As this was a special occasion (the 700th run if you had not been paying attention, or the 7100th run if you misread Sadists's modified 100 run t shirt), a good crowd of old (well, not necessarily old, more long term) hashers and new ones gathered in the Var heat to look forward to a Prestressed & Skinny A trail. An easy & flat walkers route was promised. The same did not apply to the runners.....
Additional anniversary entertainment was laid on by the hares in the form of the local rave taking place in the hash car park. The area was a mix of hashers and young skinny things with big dogs. Or was that hashers with big dogs and young skinny things? Anyway, the opportunity to dance and take drugs was open to all. For those not satisfied with this, Prestressed had also kindly befriended some Russian ladies who apparently stand at the side of the road in this area 24/7 and will keep you happy for a small fee. Prestressed would not divulge the hash discount he had negotiated, but with a wink of the eye he said that Tatiana and Svetlana (call us what you like, dear, as long as you pay) would happily make it a day to remember for those with a little spare cash.
And so it was off, down to the lake and back up again. And down again. And up again. And down again until the only way forward was by swimming 90 metres across the lake. The intrepid front runners (swimmers?) duly did so. Procul dived in with abandon, Cums Qwicker showed off her very stylish strokes and Perpetch coaxed Lisa the Golden Retriever across the water. By Perpetch's own account, the dog panicked mid way and he was fully prepared to give mouth to mouth. The things that hashers do to avoid paying cash to Russian street girls....!
Swim over, there was no surprise to see the run cross the road and start climbing the ruts and ravines up the hills and down the other side. As ever on such terrain, Padre proved that he is a mountain goat reincarnated whilst Supermarket Trolley & Jobsworth winged about the lack of tarmac, thereby accounting for their lack of pace (!). Cums Qwicker & Undergrowth put them to shame and proved that rarely attending a hash is no impediment to keeping the pace up.
And so it went, up hill and down dale (well, rutted track), through the welcome cool but muddy water of a stream until the runners caught sight of the walkers. By this point, even the most ardent runners had slowed down due to the heat, but the fear of being overtaken by walkers galvanised all to sprint up the hill and show their style.
At the top of the hill, hare Prestressed stood with a smile on his face and decided to favorise some hashers over others. And so Perpetch & faithful hound, Padre, Sadist, Wuff Diva, Jobsworth & Supermarket Trolley continued the twisting trail, whilst favoured souls such as Cums Qwicker, Undergrowth & Pedo were shown the short cut to the beer car. To be fair, Pedo needed to get there first as he had the keys, but I?m not sure about the selection process for the others! The extra loop was a pleasant run uphill and back, with a scramble down between the two. No surprises that Lisa the dog took it in her stride, as did Padre, but Supermarket Trolley & Jobsworth yet again proved their inability to coordinate feet and shaggy.
The beer stop gave a pleasant respite from the heat, though Pedo noted that his car was parked next to two wrecks that apparently served as beer cars from previous anniversary hashes. His intention is that the same fate does not befall his car - or at least not just yet.
Beer stop over, the hare promised that the second half would be flatter and with more opportunity for running. Well, the first and last kilometres certainly were as promised. What was not mentioned was the ferocious hill in the middle. The runners struggled up one side of the hill and some struggled down the other side. Of particular note was Supermarket Trolley who took over the mantle of self abuser extraordinaire from Sadist by tumbling all the way down the hill and getting the scars to prove it.
Back at the start, the runners caught up with the walkers and wolfed down the 700th Anniversary cake prepared by Never Cums (who remained true to form by not cumming despite the presence of both Jobsworth & Lazy Gaga). "Does my bum look fast" was the cake theme, enhanced by Pedo placing a knife between the cheeks of the said posterior. The cake was augmented by other sweet delicacies provided by other hashers, with the hares giving the warning not to eat too much as it would spoil the appetite for later.
And so to the circle. The rave had finished by this point and the ravers were too tired to participate. Equally, Olga and Tania (call us what you like...) were too busy trying to attract custom from wealthier individuals than hashers to participate.
Further reporting courtesy of Padre. Before handing over, I just want to extend a very warm thanks to Prestressed & Skinny A for a very well organised and wonderful day:
Hares; Prestressed and Skinny Ah So.
Members present from run number one; Sadist and Contessa
Our illustrious leader tried to sneak away before the end of the circle
as he was a shoe in for the Shit of the Week award.
S.O.T.W. Perpetual Motion, unanimous.
His uncontrollable dog causing mayhem on the trail getting under the feet of runners and causing duress. Not providing due care to his charge and then letting the dirty dog drink out of the Hash drinking vessel.
There was a whole bloody lake for the mutt to lap at !
And to cap it all........
Perpetual Motion being the only one to fall not caused by the dog then proceeded to blame "The Dog"
Missing the beer stop; (again) Filipo who was really pleased to have a decent beer with which to do his Down Down.
Note to Beirmeister. This beer is on sale in Lidl and is cheaper than Kronenborg
Stand In Embezzlers ; Super Market Trolley and Virgin Mouth
Virgin Mouth later said she was moved to tears by Padre's emotional
rendering of the traditional West Country folk song; " Half a pound of flour and lard "
It was probably his singing which caused the tears and not the traditional ditty.
Returners; Wuff Diva, Cums Qwicker,Sakina and all the way from Oz, Maneater.
Birthdays; Confusion and Prestressed
Faster than the Average; Sneaky Bastard (Cost him €90, he will explain, if asked nicely )
Cumming 50 times ; Undergrowth and Cell Qween, presented with their half pint pewter tankards.
Cumming 100 times Sneaky Bastard. Presented with his pint pewter tankard.
Visitor from the Hashimite Hash House Harriers; Fawwaz.
Virgins; General Tito, Charlotte, and from South Africa, Holly.
There was then a charge against Paedophil because the lingam had, allegedly, not been cleaned since the last Hash.
Somehow this was swung through one hundred and eighty degrees and awarded to Padre, but as he was desperate for a beer did not complain and took his punishment like a man. Expertly administered Holly.
ONON to the next 700
For those of you who missed the song dedicated to Prestressed's lady friends of the lake, here are the words, as Padre sung them between the main course and cheese at the restaurant.
Sung to the tune of, "What a friend we have in Jesus ". Or at least, that is what it should have sounded like !
Me no likee Prestressed Hasher
Paedo pay ten Euros more.
Paedo call me Hunny Bunny
Prestressed call me bloody whore
Me no likee Prestressed Hasher
Paedo pay ten Euros more.
Paedo cum in two minutes
Prestressed grind for hour
Me no likee Prestressed Hasher
Paedo pay ten Euros more,
The food was up to its usual high standard with a new, cheerful, long legged, eager to please, waitress.
She certainly kept Padre happy when he asked if he could swap his wine for beer and she then provided him with a never empty glass.
Nibbles on arrival, (would not have minded a waitress nibble either ) with Sangria.
Followed by melon and Ham, starter;
Choice of main dish, Fish, Steak or Wild Boar Daube.
Those Muslims do not know what they are missing. The daube was superb. I also heard slurping noise from other parts of the table. The steaks came in a variety of "doneness" from cremated to, just wipe its ass and knock the horns off.
Next up, cheesy thingies.
I was informed that two bottles of rum went into the after dinner fruit juice.
Procul had the shorter version so he could rush off home but even the football supporters figured the meal was a better option than watching England play Italy. Wuff Diva bailed out halfway through complaining her stomach was not big enough. Ed; She should not have eaten so much of the celebratory cake at the end of the run
Gothenburg Hash - First week of September 2012 Gothenburg Hash
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R*n 701: NEXT HASH 8 -Jul