RIVIERA HASH TRASH 687
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Have your say-got an opinion? Give it to me and I'll publish and be dammed
As the French say; "An egg is an egg".
After you with the Cadbury's Cream Eggs.
OR; LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES.
IF YOU ARE FAT IT DOES NOT LAST LONG.
You just knew the start was going to be delayed when the instructions went out. First, they were a Tad on the late side, due to all the restaurants being closed, allegedly, preparing for the Christmas rush. And secondly, there was a plan B with the start location changed due to nutters leaping around the Hash Trail on bicycles.
However, given that we were assembling in Hash home territory, with a large percentage living nearby, there should not have been a real problem. If Wet Spot, Padre and Perpetual Motion who all had to travel for more than an hour to reach the start then those only 15 minutes away would have no problems, would they?
Yup, you guessed it. I will not name suspects but I think you can guess who they were. Paedophil requested we wait for them to arrive because they were of the slower persuasion and we would finished before they even reached the Beer Stop. The jokes Paedophil told were supposed to keep us amused until they arrived but eventually we could stand no more and just as the mutiny was about to explode the late comers hove into view.
Padre finally managed to set the runners underway and left Paedophil to chivvy us walkers into something resembling forward motion.
The first check arrived after about 50 metres.The walkers trail to the left along with the real trail for the runners but, as Paedophil and his co hare Contessa had to work extra hard relaying the trail, the runners gave the hares the satisfaction of watching them all go the wrong way. Or the right way if it was a cross you were looking for. Cumalot and Sadist were observed stretching their lead out front whilst Padre was trying to obtain enough breath to inform the virgin runner, Philipo N.N., about the greater mysteries of the trail and at the same time trying to slow him down so he could keep up. Cross found and then all return to start again.
This time the crafty ones were out in front; Prestessed and No Satisfaction leading the way. A series of loops around the walkers trail meant we all arrived at the bottom of the hill, beside the river, at about the same time.This first part was the route previously used by those training for the Nice half marathon in years gone by and so at the river check it was a case of bluff or double bluff.
The cougars, Super Market Trolley and No Satisfaction convinced our young virgin, Philipo N.N, they knew what they were doing and led him astray up the hill and disappeared for a long time, being the last three to arrive at the beer stop some later.
The trail then continued down the Brague, heading for the normal Paedophil beer stop in the lay by just before Biot. This is where the runners passed Wet Spot, who, because of his recent surgery, was unable to run, but after the first kilometre decided he could take no more on the walker's trail and made a break for it.
Padre led French Connection up the gully until the Beer Car came into view which, unfortunately, was the same time as the arrow pointing towards them was observed. About turn and back to the last check, collecting Perpetual Motion on the way. All together now back at the river when they are informed that the trail from which they have just returned is, in fact, the correct way to the Beer Stop. It is at this point we Walkers decided to experiment and try out a false trail much to the consternation of the Hare who had visions of having to pay for meals he had ordered at the restaurant with nobody to eat them. Padre and Sneaky Bastard came to our assistance shepherding us onto the correct trail to the beer stop.
The seasons festive food was passed around, pity it was last Easters, with nearly all consuming at least one Cadbury's Cream Egg.
Then the second half, back the same way for the walkers and a loop around the cycle-cross circuit for the runners before connecting up with the walkers trail once more. All arriving back at the start more or less together. Here we assembled outside of Jobsworth's new place for some mulled wine prepared by Never Cums.
Looks a good place for a Hash Party/House warming.
Thank you Contessa and your helper Paedophil.
Hares; Contessa and the tumbling Paedophil
Delaying the Start; Farty Bum and, Long and Hard.
Slipping Standards; Perpetual Motion, (calling members by Nerd names when he should be setting an example) and Cumalot for not writing a previous run report.
Whinging; Skinny Ah So, Farty Bum, Mad Max, and Sneaky Bastard.
Virgin Run; French Connection
James Brown impersonator; NO! Not the "Sex Machine" but the "Sole Man", Chris No Name,
Joined by Wet Spot and Paedophil for disrespect (all wearing hats in the circle).
Mug-less; Contessa, Farty Bum and Paedophil.
Birthday; Jingle Balls to whom we sang the Beatles song, "When I'm 64". Draw your own conclusions !
Virgin; Philipo N.N, a student, currently in the area, who very quickly anal-ised the situation regarding Hash mugs. His equation went something like this; excuse me if I have it wrong;
"More runs = Mugs, Mugs =Experience, Experience = More Beer, More Beer = Slower Runners Therefore the experienced runners are handicapped to keep them with the pack."
* It was this statement that Farty Bum queried, accusing Padre of making it up.
SoW nominations; Perpetual Motion for informing everyone that another of our members now has a criminal record. (If you were not there I will not divulge names. This is one reason we all have Hash Names) Joining an ever expanding, illustrious list.
Farty Bum for trying to separate Padre's beer from him. AND for doubting the veracity of his * statements.
Padre for wasting beer.
Sadist for competitive running; short cutting on a false trail to get in front.
No Satisfaction would have been nominated for the SoW award for deciding to go shopping in Cannes instead of staying for the Down Downs. We will just rely on the collective memory of the Hash to nominate her next time..
And the winner by a unanimous decision............ Perpetual Motion, with Padre runner up.
The award ceremony carried out by Long and Hard.
We then retired to a restaurant near the sea front, to be joined by Merry Dick for some excellent grub.
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R*n 688: NEXT HASH 24 -Dec
HHHi Happy Hashers,
To take the frazzle out of all that Christmas hullabaloo, you are cordially invited to a not-too-harrowing hash around the glorious Vence countryside... for the walkers that is, though I think Sadist has further wicked plans for the runners...
When? SATURDAY, 24th December 2011.
Time? 10.30 for 11.00 (a.m!)
Where? Vence, from and back to Mme Mouton's abode. (See directions hereunder).
How long? First part approx. 50 minutes, plus 20 minutes beer stop, plus approx. 30 mins back to MM's for Hash Bash. How much is the Bash? 10 euros per person.
What do we get for that? Mulled wine before the off. Then, at the Bash, you'll get hot plenty of homemade soup with chunky bread, plus warm mince pies (with custard for those so inclined).
What time is the Bash? For those who just want the gain without the pain, meet at MM's at 12.45 for 1 pm. RSVP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please let MM know before Thursday if you are planning on coming to the Bash!!!!!!! Many thanks!!
So how to get to MM's?
These instructions are for those who are not familiar with the area. I apologise to anyone who thinks they are OTT. I've written them as if they were for me, or Farty Bum.
Leave the A8 at Cagnes sur Mer and follow the signs for ...er... Vence. Villages possibly encountered on the way (depending on if you get lost, and what direction you are then coming from) are Cagnes sur mer, Villeneuve-Loubet, Grange Rimade, La Colle sur Loup, and St Paul de Vence. Don't stop in any of these, just keep on climbing. You will be hard pushed to miss Vence -- however if you arrive at St Jeannet, turn around and go back one village. I would suggest you take a map, except you may get a down-down for making it too easy. Once in Vence, find the Place du Marechal Juin roundabout. Take the exit with the LCL bank (on your right) and a Petit Casino (on your left). Continue on past the Post Office (on your left) and take the next left (at the fishmongers and florist's, on the corner). Get into the right hand lane! Keep right at the fork, drive past the car park (on your left), under a footbridge (above your head), and past the fire station (on your left). You are now leaving Vence, but don't panic as you are almost where you are going. After the fire station DRIVE SLOWLY past the Floreal Hotel (on your right), and TAKE THE NEXT LEFT (at the telephone box) into the Chemin des Anciens Combattants en AFN (aka Ancienne route de Tourettes). If you have arrived at Mr Bricolage (on your right), turn around and drive back to the fire station, and follow the instructions correctly this time. On the Chemin des AC en AFN, drive slowly, as almost there! A few metres down this road levels off, and you will pass between glass and paper recycling containers (on your right) and plastic recycling and rubbish bins (on your left). Immediately after these, the road narrows and you will see a big olive tree on a teeny roundabout, on a fork in the road. KEEP LEFT of the olive tree and TURN LEFT IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE OLIVE TREE. You are now in our private road. Don't go into the Serena (on your left), just keep straight on (DO NOT PARK HERE!) and when you can't go any further, turn left and drive down to a big parking lot. Park here, towards the back. At this time of year there's plenty of space. Continue on foot, as if you were going for a walk in the forest -- which you will be, just not till you've had the mulled wine.
Any problems call the house on 04 93 58 79 03, or my mobile 06 20 92 61 43. Or Sadist's mobile, which is 06 87 09 54 32. See you there!
Please remember to RSVP asap!
Sadist, in his wisdom, is taking us all on a trail where you will need boots, and it's definitely NOT buggy-friendly! And if it chucks it down between now and 24th - not very likely, applarently! - it would be helpful if you boots were watertight :-)
17 confirmations so far, including children (who will love it!). The more the merrier - hope you can join us for what is turning into a real Christmas party, with plenty of good cheer and certain surprises!
To paraphrase the Black Eyed Pease: "Today's gonna be a good good day!"
Mme Mouton .