RIVIERA HASH TRASH 573
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Easter Hash 23rd March
Perth Interhash, 21st - 23rd March 2008
The U.K. Nash Hash 28/08 – 31/08/08. Organised by Edinburgh HHH,
Marathon Bhutan, 7th September 2008
Run # 573 DINGUS & SUDSUCKER 9 March 2008
The weather was definitely not very inviting. After nearly a week of a serious return of winter chill, and several days of gloomy grey skies, we woke up to more of the same. On top of that, at least six hashers were off in Australia for the Perth Inter-Hash (Sadist, Padre, Big End, Confusion, Two Cheeky & Knicker Licker – shortly to be joined by Perpetch and Idyl). So it didn’t look very promising for Dingus and Sudsucker’s Anniversary Run, and the injured No Satisfaction, overwhelmed by her sense of duty, dragged herself out of bed and prepared for the run, convinced that Dingus needed all the support he could get.
Much to her surprise, despite the lousy weather and absent regulars, she found 33 other hashers besides herself at the starting point. Among them were Merrydick and 12-year-old Stephan (last seen about 15 months ago), accompanied this time by the virgin Mrs Merrydick and William, who looked to be about 3 years old but turned out to be only 22 months. A pretty gigantic child, but then his mother is very tall. Then Disco Dick had brought along his brother, Disco Mike (who was wearing inappropriate shoes) and newcomer Hi-de-Hi arrived by bicycle, having found out about us in the Riviera Reporter. Also, Sneaky Bastard and Jingle Balls had brought some visitors, Nigel and Estella.
We arrived quite early for a change, entering the parking lot immediately behind Cum-Cum, and discovered only two people already there – Wetspot and (surprise! surprise!) Contessa. This news about the normally-late Contessa is so unusual that we feel it deserves to be in a paragraph all by itself.
Just before Dingus blew the whistle, the weather suddenly improved. The sun didn’t come out, but the sky became quite a bit brighter, and several people removed at least one layer of clothing while they still had time to deposit things in their cars. So in the end the weather was just about perfect – cool and comfortable.
Dingus blew the whistle and everyone headed down a road to the left. As we started off, a news item was quietly circulating among the walkers – that the runners had made a secret pact among themselves to smile intensely at Sneaky Bastard every time they met him, since he had apparently complained that the runners were an unsmiling bunch of twerps. Contessa was among the runners, by the way, and No Satisfaction was with the walkers. Did you notice at the beginning that I said the “injured” No Satisfaction dragged herself out of bed? The report (unconfirmed) I got was that she had injured herself in the back seat of a car while on a skiing expedition with four males. Nature of injury not specified.
The Merrydicks were pushing a three-wheeled bush-type baby buggy, and when asked if they had checked with Dingus about the buggy-friendliness of the trail, replied that they had only just got the buggy unfolded when Dingus blew the whistle, and everyone dashed off. So they had not had time to inquire about the conditions of the trail, or even to inform the hares that there was a buggy present at their hash. Merrydick did not seem to be too concerned, but personally, I was praying there would not be too many cliff descents or river crossings. Young William was not in the buggy at this point – he was racing down the road as fast as his (long) little legs would carry him, with the playful Skinny A racing along beside, egging him on. His older brother, Stephan, who was wearing a pair of extremely loose jeans that only covered the bottom quarter of his bum (if that), was walking. It was clear that if he tried to run he would lose his trousers altogether.
After going down the road for awhile we turned sharply and climbed down into a ditch, and then into a dry streambed, and continued downwards. The streambed was very rough, full of ruts and large rocks, and not exactly suited to baby buggies. Several times we tried calling ahead to ask Sudsucker if the Merrydicks should continue with us or go back, but everyone was too spread out and concentrating on their feet to take any notice, and it was impossible to run to the front to catch up with Sudsucker, so the Merrydicks kept deciding to continue a little farther before deciding what to do.
The trail went down for a very long time, and just when the Merrydicks were starting to think they should maybe turn back, we began to see a meadow down at the bottom, and after awhile we came out into the meadow and shouted at Sudsucker, who was just about to disappear at the other end of the meadow. Sudsucker was very surprised to hear that there was a baby buggy descending the streambed, and shouted back that it was definitely the worst part of the trail, and if they had managed to get this far, they should definitely continue. This message was shouted up to the Merrydicks, and then all the walkers kindly waited in the meadow for them to catch up. After awhile Merrydick stepped out of the woods carrying William, and some time later Mrs Merrydick and Shepherd’s Bush arrived with the buggy. Mrs Merrydick asked, “Where’s Stephan?” and someone replied that he had disappeared with the runners, and she said, “Oh, I thought he had a sore foot.”
The walkers all started off again, first going along a road for a bit, and then turning into one of those nice paths through the woods like we had at Confusions’s and Supermarket Trolley’s run two weeks ago. Eventually this path became a gravely trail that turned uphill, and I think it was around here that Anne of Cleavage took off her pullover.
Next thing I remember is coming out onto a narrow paved road, where Alison put the leash back on her little dog. We went down this road for a fair distance, then crossed over to the other side and began to walk up a gravely trail that headed back in the direction from which we had just come. Through the trees we could see (down below) the paved road we had just left, and soon we had gone back as far as the trail we’d been on earlier, and we could see quite a way down it too, and nowhere was there a sign of the Merrydicks and the baby buggy. So it looked like they had fallen way, way behind. But we knew that Merrydick was an experienced hasher, and Sudsucker had been adding arrows all along the trail, so we didn’t worry about them, and continued on our way.
We walked up this hill for quite awhile. I forgot to mention that ever since leaving the streambed and learning that young Stephan had gone off with the runners, the walkers had been keeping a sharp lookout for his lost loose trousers, which we expected to find on the trail, because we were sure there would be a prize at the down-downs for the person who found them. Eventually we arrived at a kind of farm where there were some goats and sheep in a fenced-in area right next to the road, and a lot of ponies in a small field right behind the sheep and goats. (But they weren’t as noisy as the goats and sheep we passed in one of Cumalot’s hashes a year or so ago.) (Or was that ducks and geese?) Anyway, since we had not yet come across Stephan’s trousers on the trail, some of the walkers wondered if they had been eaten by the goats.
Shortly after this we arrived at the beerstop. I had been hearing a noise that sounded like runners at a beerstop, but there was no sign of runners in any direction, and Sudsucker began to think she had made a mistake and gotten off the trail. But suddenly we went over a small rise, and there they all were, crowded around the beer car under a tree, including Stephan, who by some miracle was still wearing his trousers. We learned from the runners that he had run the entire trail with his hands in his pockets, so it is clear he had some kind of secret handles inside them which allowed him to counteract the pull of gravity and keep his trousers up.
At the beerstop we discovered that Contessa had taken a tumble and cut herself up quite badly. She had been nicely bandaged up by Pedophyl, who is constantly surprising us with his multiple skills. The only thing he didn’t do was wash the blood out of her pantlegs, but if there had been a clothesline at the beerstop, I’m sure he would have done that too (and then ironed them, as we do have an ironing board).
And speaking of injuries, we were sorry to hear that our beloved beermeister, Cumalot, has been laid low by serious back problems. We send him our love and hope to see him back soon (as everyone else finds being beermeister a pain in the neck). Jobsworth also has not been seen since he hobbled off the trail after twisting his ankle at his hash in La Gaude last month, but it is quite possible that he is off in China, or even Perth, as he does get around.
Though people were eating the usual junk food found at every beerstop, they were keeping their eye on the several bottles of champagne and a yummy-looking birthday cake that were waiting on the sidelines. Of course we couldn’t start them until everyone had arrived, and the Merrydicks were still nowhere to be seen. Finally Dingus phoned them, and reported to the waiting hashers that they were just passing the sheep and goats, and shortly after this they (and Skinny A, and possibly a few others that I didn’t notice) arrived. So then Dingus and Sudsucker began passing out the champagne and slicing up the cake. The cake was truly delicious. After experimenting with several different recipes (Japanese, Norwegian, Greek etc) Sudsucker had opted for an American carrot cake with half the quantity of sugar called for, and half the icing, and that’s what made it so good.
There was some question as to which birthday exactly we were celebrating. Dingus said it was the 21st, and Farty Bum thought it was the 20th. “Don’t you remember, we did the 19th twice,” she said. “Yes”, said Dingus, “That’s why this is the 21st.” Farty Bum thinks the reason we had two 19s was because we had skipped the 18th, whereas Dingus thinks it means the second 19th was actually the 20th. We will have to wait for the big-wigs to come home from Perth to settle this important question, and establish the true age of the Riviera hash.
After the beerstop, Hi-de-Hi and the injured Contessa joined the walkers for the second half, which was a relatively quick return by road, and young Stephan rode back in the beercar for a reason I didn’t catch. As the walkers were strolling down the road, a herd of runners arrived by sidewalk from some loop they’d done in the woods, and as they ran past, all the runners began smiling and waving to us in a most extraordinarily friendly manner. Especially Prestressed – never before had we seen him looking so extremely jolly! Suddenly we remembered the runners’ secret pact to smile intensely, and felt a wave of gratitude towards Sneaky Bastard for causing this stunning change in behaviour in our normally scowling runners. Please, runners! Do this again!
The moment we arrived back at the parking lot, the temperature dropped about ten degrees, and a cold wind sprang up. Also, we had only twenty minutes before we had to be at the restaurant, so the circle had to be very quick. Dingus couldn’t be both the hare and the RA, so Pedo stepped in to run the circle, and I must admit, did a very good job of it, writing all the down-downs on a piece of cardboard as he announced them. This slowed up the circle a bit, especially when he kept asking how to spell various words, but it was nice to think that this indicated we were probably going to get a run report.
Hares: Dingus and Sudsucker
Handicapped: Merrydick and family, awarded because Merrydick loudly complained that the Trail had not been very “wheel-chair’ friendly
Walking wounded (and Florence Nightingale): Contessa (and Pedo)
Running with hands in pockets: Stephan
Birthday cake: Sudsucker (and Dingus for testing the different recipes)
Returners: Wetspot, Shark Bait, Merrydick and Stephan
Virgins and Newcomers: Disco Mike, Mrs Merrydick and William, Nigel, Estella and
Further down-downs that might have been awarded if we had had time:
Contessa for arriving on time
No Satisfaction for her sense of duty in coming injured to the hash in order to support Dingus
Perpetch for postponing his departure to Perth in order to support Dingus
Disco Dick for telling his brother there was no need to bring sports shoes
Disco Mike for polishing his shoes for the hash, descending the streambed in very inappropriate shoes (and surviving), and still having shiny shoes at the end of the day
Sucky Bruce for being a bad influence on the young (Stephan) (for shortcutting etc)
Sneaky Bastard for complaining that the runners never smile
Stephan for coming back in the beer car
Pedo for grooming children by giving them rides in the beer car
I won’t tell you who the winner was, but I’ll tell you the order of the voting, and you can guess: Stephan, Sucky Bruce, Pedo, Sneaky Bastard
There’s no more room on this page so I can’t tell you about the restaurant. Pedo claimed his list of down-downs was unreadable and declined to give it to the run reporter. Fortunately, the run reporter is quite brilliant and was able to reproduce them all by herself from memory.
Thank-you Dingus and Sudsucker for a very enjoyable run. The next day, Monday, it was pouring rain, so you see, once again the hash gods had smiled upon us.
Also see the Receeding Hare Line!
R*n 574: NEXT HASH 23-Mar
14:30 for 15:00 start.