RIVIERA HASH TRASH 557
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Never Cums

Dogs, dogs & more dogs

Settle down class, we start with an equation today:

If Fly Me + Cum Cum = Perpetch/2, what does that make this week's hash?

Following the sub tropical hash of 2 weeks ago, the hares sensibly - but irritatingly for those of us who over indulge on a Saturday night - scheduled a morning start in Pegomas. This resulted in an early riser brigade, supplemented by an army of 4 dogs (of the 4 legged variety, the co-hare has asked me to make clear). Well, 4 at the start and 5 by the end.
Driving down the A8, I managed to catch up with Pedo, which was good as I found Cum Cum's back road directions to Pegomas somewhat complicated; for once I could avoid driving with a map in my face and follow somebody else. All continued to plan for all of 500 metres, when Pedo pulled in on the pretext of recognising a hairstyle like his own behind (up to you how to interpret that!). Blow me down, but he didn't have a clue either, so I found myself negotiating the back roads that, as sure as hashers follow flour, brought us to the main road into Pegomas.
Apparently, Pedo wasn't the only one playing that trick today, as witnessed in the circle. Anyway, the result of all this was a late start, which was worrying given that the resto was a 13h30 or you lose it affair.
Such lateness allowed all to gather round to bemoan the state of English rugby & rejoice in the state of French rugby. All except Contessa, that is, who had dug up some magnificent photos & cuttings from early hashes. It seems that a convicted felon ran with us back then. Wonder if we have any such miscreants in our midst nowadays????? You know who you are……
Oh, I nearly forgot, Two Cheeky was also totally disinterested in rugby talk, due to the start point being next to a fire station. The pompiers were in for a welcome bit of heat for a Sunday morning.
Greetings over, Dingus signalled the start for the walkers. The pack was missing a significant number of (mainly running) regulars, but the walkers numbers were swelled by visitors of one hue or another. The runners were held back for a few minutes, chomping at the bit as the meticulously timed hash calculated when to optimise arrival at the beer stop.
And off we went. The first km was without checks, allowing the pack to separate into 2 groups. The first "serious" group included Dingus, Sudsucker, Prestressed & Jobsworth, who soon overtook the walkers for the first of many times. The second group could best be described as a "fast walkers group", being ably led by Pedo who for once did not have the benefit of checks to slow the FRBs down.
The walkers were notably also breaking into fast & slow groups. The back markers were guided by Cum Cum, who was absolutely not spending her time chatting this week. The front walking ba&%ards were led by Smelly Poo, who is back on her annual pilgrimage from WA. Unfortunately, the Aussie health system is evidently of third world standards as she had to return half way across the world to have an operation that precluded her from running.
Having overtaken the walkers, the runners found the first check. Jobsworth led everyone up a long falsie that turned out to be the first of many. How stupid to believe that the trail would be flat when there was a nice juicy hill to climb. Back on trail, it was up, up & away into a forest that seriously needs watering. The walkers were following on behind and Del Boy was happy to oblige by mooning at her fellow walkers as she crouched down and did what the rain has forgotten for several months.
And now arrives the biggest mystery of the hash. The pack eliminated all falsies at the top of the hill and started running down towards Auribeau until the flour simply ran out. Aha, this happened to Perpetch last time! It was obviously more of those damned asbos or even wild boar. But the hares were having none of it, which leads us to believe that it could have only happened due to them forgetting to lay flour as they yapped around setting the trail.
Misdemeanour rectified by Fly Me, it remained a pleasant road run with some long falsies to reach the beer stop in beautiful Auribeau. Having passed the walkers several times, everyone reached the beer stop within a reasonably coherent time.
And what a beer stop! Virgin Mouth had obviously taken complaints about Geoffreys failing in the catering department to half. The beer car was awash with crisps, jammie dodgers, flakes, crunchies and all sorts of goodies to send the e number police into a frenzy.
As on the first half, the walkers had a head start, after which the runners were given a guided tour of Auribeau…and of Confusion & her brood looking dazed and confused. Once through Auribeau, it was a straight run down to the river for the swim stop (not that I saw anyone take it up). This being a Sunday, the river was busy with families, one of whose dog took a liking to Dingus and followed him back to the start. This brought the hash canine brigade to 5. Good thing I didn't bring Tessa & Wuff Diva and Tache did not turn up!
Everyone straggled back to the car park, timing depending on the desire to relax by the water. Everyone, this was, except the Confusion entourage, who decided instead to phone Cum Cum for directions home.

The circle was a relatively quick affair, due to restaurant time constraints. As ever, I can't remember half the nominations but here goes for those I do recall:
Hares Fly Me & Cum Cum for a great run
Del Boy & Knicker Licker for mooning & performing lesbian sex in the circle
Cum Cum for advertising the Hash on Riviera Radio under her real name, encouraging them to play trite by Barry Manilow
Sneaky Bastard for new shoes, an accolade he took disgracefully by dragging up some half burned plimsolls he had found on the walk and not drinking out of them.
Jobsworth for sending bad taste Pavarotti texts.
Virgins Alison from the Riviera Radio advert, (see it does work), Carolyn,
Virgins Mouth's son, girlfriend and mother
Returners Smelly Poo & Lindsey with her 2 dogs
Virgin Mouth for excelling herself with the Geoffreys supplies.
Shit of the week was a one sided affair. Various very weak nominations were made, but only Dire Rear could win due to her forgetting to return the SoW mat just 2 weeks after taking it home to wash it. Disgraceful!

And so, 19 of the hashers went to the resto to mull over Contessa's tidbits from years gone by, leaving us to answer the equation at the beginning of this report. The owner was so impressed that he decided to wear his England football kit in tribute. It's not known if he was beaten up by the local riff raff later.

Answer to the equation at the start: Half the length, half the flour, twice the yapping but a great stretch of the legs in a beautiful area. Thanks hares!