RIVIERA HASH TRASH 540
édition électronique en plus!

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Runners Report

The Same Trail?

According to the co-hare, Padre, the Hare ( Big End) had set the same trails for the runners and the walkers. Yet many times it seemed, the runners came across the gaggle of walkers who had been, or would be, on a totally different itinerary. For instance, the runners set off down the road and came across a check which was assiduously checked out by Dingus, Jorge, Sudsucker, Prestressed, Procul, Sadist et al until Big End arrived shepherding the walkers and then shooed us off from the path she wanted the walkers to take. This meant the runners were forced to trespass across a field of private land ( we were told to ' be French' about legality on this hash!) , dangerously scramble down a river bank and proceed along an anklebreaking dried up river bed until we came across an ancient stone construction spanning the river ( or what would have been the river in the days when we used to have water). This was an old aqueduct of great archaeological significance according to Padre; but he failed to expand on the historical moment or how it came to be linking nowhere with nowhere.

Well the walkers ( on the same trail as the runners?) missed all this as we found them some time later in a clearing in the woods where once again the runners ran round checking out hundreds of falsies while the walkers hung around continuing their conversations. Eventually the correct trail was discovered and we ran through the undergrowth to reach another check from which Prestressed led us along a narrow track requiring single file walking pace as the path was crisscrossed with brambles, thorns, branches, fallen trees as well as being on a slope. Jorge instead of climbing over on large fallen tree trunk put all his weight on it whereupon it collapsed with a loud crack, making it much easier for those following behind.. Some screams from female runners as they came across the brambles and probably people are still pulling out the thorns and splinters. This crowded progress reminded me of an infamous trail in Penang where conditions were aggravated by pouring rain and oncoming dark, where several dozen hashers were advancing in single file on the mountainside only to arrive at the end of a falsie and go through the pain of retracing their steps back to the check. Sure enough Prestressed found the cross at the end of the falsie and a return was required.

There seemed little alternative for us. Prestresssed said he could hear the chattering of the walkers in the wood up above us but the bush was impenetrable as well as being steep. Back to the check and a scramble to reach the flat area at the top where the walkers had been on a perfectly easy path and were by now miles ahead. Indeed this gentle byway led us to a spot from which we could see them in the distance strolling along an uphill path towards the parked beercar.

There was no easy way to the beer stop for the runners as Perpetual Motion later found out. A rocky path took the trail down to our old friend the river bed and then along it. Following a blob of flour on the river bank. I climbed the bank in the direction of the beerstop, there was no further flour but there was Big End looking surprised at my unexpected appearance from this short cut and rather annoyed that I had missed the most outstanding feature of the first half, namely the sewage works which was bubbling away in its concrete tanks. Well I stopped to admire the aesthetics of this fine work of engineering and headed up the new tarmac road towards the beer car which still seemed quite a long way away. I don't really do running uphill so after a while I walked. However Sudsucker and Prestressed managed to run all the way up- they bust have been in need of a beer!

After the beer stop ( beer/champagne/water/birthday cake/crisps/Nobby Nuts/etc/etc) and all the latecomers had joined us, we had a second chance to admire the sewage works after running downhill again. After exploring the river bed for a bit, I found myself stuck behind the single file of walkers going uphill and after reaching the top found once again that the walkers were having a different version of the same trail..The runners were sent onto the road and had to slog away uphill for a mile or so before being sent back onto the sylvan paths that had been the preserve of those going at a more leisurely pace. The runners reached the car park far in advance of those walkers bearing keys to the beercar. Not that hanging around in the sunshine was to be complained about that day , until the beermeister arrived and refreshment was opened.

All praise/ blame to the hare, Big End, said Padre, who wanted no responsibility. But I must ask who made those blobs of flour which looked very like arrows pointing in the opposite direction several times? It seemed like Padre to me.

Walkers Report

19^th Birthday Hash Circle and walkers report

Unaccustomed as I am to doing the walkers trail here is my attempt to do it an injustice.

I can honestly say that the runners and walkers experiences are quite different. When running, you are constantly looking for the trail, cursing the Hares for the false trails up mountains/though open sewers etc. etc., cursing yourself for having the fitness level of a geriatric asthmatic and trying not to tread in the "crottes de chein".

When walking, you spend a great deal of time chatting, hoping someone ahead of you is following a trail (preferably the correct one), taking in the sights that the Hares have thoughtfully found for you (the mountains, the sea, sewerage works, rubbish tips etc. etc.) and trying not to tread in the "crottes de chein".

The walk was a pleasant mixture of semi-urban, woodland trails and a steep rocky decent (no climbing gear required) while Big End shepherded us along the trail. This was a ‘kind’ trail for the walkers, only one rocky path down to a river bed and one climb up to the beer stop above the sewerage works. The beer stop was long and chilly but we were treated to Hash Birthday cake and champagne to make up for it.

This long break allowed Two Cheeky to explain to virgin Nathalie the subtle difference between the meaning of the Hash names "Tosspot" and "Cumalot". Clearly, this was information that no aspiring French lawyer can do without!

Mme. Mouton and Claire tuned up halfway through in a car, claiming their directions took them here and not to the start. This was a valid excuse as directions v.1 had indeed been wrong but they should have anticipated this cunning ploy by the Hares and re-checked the webshite for directions v.2.

Downdowns were administered later to all guilty parties (see below).

The second half of the trail involved some backtracking but the return involved a walk in the woods with Shepherds Bush living up to his name by helping several of the Harriettes across a small ditch. Some of them enjoyed it so much that they came back for a second turn.

However, Shepherds Bush later blotted his copybook by revealing his true thoughts on the Women’s Walking Club.

Hares : Padre & Big End

Car bound Hashers : Madame Mouton & Claire

No sense of direction : Prestressed

"Moving target" directions : Padre & Big End

Early onset of Alzheimers award : Pedo for forgetting Hash names

Jankers for being late on parade & shortcutting : Perpetch

Keeping the runners waiting for the beer : Cumalot & CumsKwicker

Baby abuse in the circle : Quaillewd

Taking a mobile call in the circle : Contessa

Being too drunk to recognise champagne : Mudwrestler

Being brutally honest about the WWC (women’s walking club) : Shepherds Bush

Karate Kid feat, breaking a tree in two with his bare arse : Jorge

Reward for baking Hash Birthday Cake : Big End

Returners : Mud Wrestler, Sadist, Sneaky Bastard, Jingle Balls, Son of SB & JB), Two Cheeky, Quaillewd, Del Boy, Kate, Peter

50 Run mug : Knicker Licker

Birthdays : Knicker Licker, Contessa, Procul

Whinging Welsh for losing to Italy in rugby : Big End, Pedo, Procul

RHHH Founders present on Hash Birthday : Sadist, Contessa, Padre, Procul, Pedo

Virgins : Elizabeth, Nathalie, Susan

Shit of The Week : Pedo for reasons unknown

Late awards:-

Sexual Harassment : Sneaky Bastard

Sudanese Goat Harassment (you had to be there) : Procul, Prestressed, Confusion

After the circle we all trekked through the mean streets of Grasse back to Padre and Big End’s place where Stella Artios had been slaving away in the kitchens.

Kudos as ever to Big End and Stella Artios for providing a superb meal for the masses.

The group then divided into the outdoor sun worshippers and the indoor rugger-buggers, the latter witnessing the "Grand Chlem" hopes of France being dashed on the field of Twickenham.

A great day and thanks to all those involved.

Hash Trivia

This is the first in a series of occasional drivel, regarding things you really wanted to, and need to know, about HASHING.

Hash Name

Hash names are earnt/given to protect the innocent (and stupid) and reduce everyone to the lowest common denominator.

This first offering was prompted when I asked “Who is Tidal Dave and why did he have a 50 run Hash Mug, especially as I have been Hashing on the Riviera for years and I haven’t seen him before”?

So TIDAL DAVE, as Andy Warhol said, here is your 15 minutes of fame. After much research and loaded questions, asked of long established members, I can offer this:

TIDAL DAVE (T.D) was a regular and keen member in the early days and a real pain in the ass. A FRONT RUNNING BASTARD (F.R.B.), but not too near the front, at the clubs inception, as we had some real speed merchants in those days.

After one particular run, when he and a friend were convinced the other was driving, the friend informed us that the last time T.D. had that much to drink they were sharing a dormitory where he had the bunk below T.D.

All was fine until the middle of the night, when he was awaken from his pleasant dreams, playing beside the sea as he misjudged a wave and was soaked.
This was when reality kicked in and he found that the top bunk occupant had short circuited the trip to the toilet at the end of the corridor.

HENCE TIDAL DAVE

His other claim to fame is his vivid imagination, which has been known to find various outlets. (We won’t talk about one of them, for fear of prejudicing the case)
He and Effing Thong have probably been responsible for about 95% of T-shirt design and hash logos. The majority being T.D.’s

If you want more information you, sad, pathetic, little people, you may pose your question in the “Trash”, or Yahoo Groups, and the necessary research will be carried out and we will sell the answer for the standard Hash currency,

BEER!
ONON