A really Grotty hash

No offence to Knicker Licker and perpetual co-hare Perpetch, but there could only be one title for this run report in the beautiful (but inaccessible if you live on the wrong side of Grasse) area of St Cezaire.

So it was that Knicker Licker’s concise directions sufficed. There was but one car park and it was obviously signed. This was good, but we were on a tight schedule given winter hours meaning a morning run followed by lunch (ie restaurateurs dictating hash timings and lengths). Unfortunately, the start was slightly delayed due to said distance from the beaten path, so something would have to give – circle lite anyone?

One month ago, the Thai generals took control in a bloodless coup d’état whilst their leader was addressing the UN in New York. Could RH3 possibly emulate this whilst 3 of its committee members were hashing in said country and the GM was away? Alas, no, there was probably more chance of blood and gore in brambles than a coup.

But even…..Perpetch immediately dismissed hopes of such difficulties by noting that, due to this being his third hare/co-hare in a row, the runners trail would be an on road wimpy affair.

Onon then, with Knicker Licker leading the pod of walkers (but not in Horny frog suit) and Perpetch surveying the runners. This was a good opportunity to stretch the legs, with long stretches of on road running, punctuated by even longer falsies. How we laughed when Perpetch fooled us time and time again.

Two noteworthy performances came from Tina noname and Pedo. Tina is clearly struggling in her ambition to find a serious and friendly running club in the region. She’s found the serious (triathlon - yikes) but complains of the lack of camaraderie. Consequently she seems intent on turning the hash into a serious running club by being an FRB and running all falsies. Have to do something about that.

As for Pedo, Perpetch managed to catch even him out with the endlessly long falsies, to the point that Pedo insisted on a regroup at a cross. To be fair, Perpetch had flouted hash etiquette here, leading the pack to the check and then placing an arrow the right way half way down the falsie after we had all fallen for it. SoW nomination material, that.

After a while, a number of fire vehicles whizzed past the "runners" sirens a-blazing. It was obvious, they knew where the beer stop was, so the pack decided to follow. The pressure was on for beer and Cumalot’s thirst overcame his vows as beermeister by telling us to shortcut and avoid a loop round a housing estate. (To be fair to Cumalot, he tried to make it difficult by giving us a riddle "The beer car’s in a really grotty place" right underneath the signpost to the Grotto of St Cezaire).

The walkers had reached the beer car first but, fortunately, the stocks left over from Porquerolles were sufficient that they left some for the hardy runners. Comment from the day came from Sneaky Bastard who, profiting from Chris no-name’s absence, lamented on being obliged to drive home from nights out when he enjoys a drink & she less so. The obvious solution of driving sharing was mooted ie him driving there & her driving back. Seems fair to me; Never Cums take note.

The clock was ticking, so the walkers left the beer stop soon after the runners arrived (or was it due to the smell of sweat?). A beer or two later, the runners set off on an easy return to St Cezaire. On the way, Tosspot gave a history lesson as we passed the medieval wells, explaining their origins and why these old villages were built just so far from the coast (to avoid rape & pillage it seems).

Not that Two Cheeky was paying any attention. Instead, her eyes were firmly on the pompiers who had gathered round their base after a morning’s training. "J’espère qu’il y aura plein de beaux mecs", she said eyes aglaze. Indeed there were and the pack did everything it could to attract their attention in order to increase her chance of pulling. I didn’t see her for long after the circle, so an explanation is required, I think.

And that was that. Runners & walkers arrived back at the start in a suspiciously coordinated way, but with Knicker Licker getting concerned about the time. The resto was booked for 1.30 and we were already late. Only one thing for it, a short circle and boy it was short. (To compare, I hashed with the Phuket hash 2 weeks ago and their circle lasted 90 minutes. This was well below 9).

No circle report this time, just a big thank you to Knicker Licker for a great hash in a beautiful location and Perpetch for helping out (though it must be noted that he is lagging – each of the last 3 hashes has been shorter than the previous one).