The sun rose on a beautiful sunny Côte’ d’Azur autumn morning. First choice (especially for the women) – what to wear? Hash t-shirts, of course, but what about if it rains, what about swimwear, what about a change of clothes for if they happened upon a hunk?

Sod it, nothing more required than t-shirts, shorts and shoes. Absolutely no need of anything else, certainly not gallons of water or Vaseline to prevent nipple rash……oh, no, we’ll be grand.

Lots of seemingly flawless beer humping ensured that, by the time the hash had taken the ferry to the island, not only was it there but stowed away on a boat and ready to roll (hopefully not too much as that would capsize the boat). Only problem was, the authorities had declined to authorise sailing to the south of the island. No problem, only 20 km needs to be relaid…..

Anyhow, off it was down blissfully carless lanes hunting for circles and crosses. The pack was big and strong, minus only walkers, who had gone their own way. And so it stayed, climbing up to an old fort complete with very obvious signs reminding tourists as to how beautiful and unspoilt the island was before the British nabbed and destroyed it during the Napoleonic Wars. Fortunately, the cheese eating surrender monkeys drove the Redcoats away, thereby preserving the Porquerolles so that they could again be ravaged 200 years later by hashers intent on pillage.

Off again to a triage point,. Sane people to turn left with Prestressed, Front Running Nobrains straight on with Perpetch. Well, can’t do a hash without doing it all, so Perpetch wins it for me. No problem for the first 30 minutes, meandering through more beautiful lanes. But, whoa, what the heck’s happening here? A check with the only possible route being down a dangerous rockface to a certain death in the sea.

After this, I started to lose the plot. I remember a lighthouse (largely because of the vertigo suffered when on the top of it). I also remember the trail trailing out into gorse bush. Hint to Perpetch – bring your secutteurs next time.

Question – How many metres can you climb on a island whose highest point is 150metres? Answer, over 500 metres when the trail’s set by Perpetch who deliberately sets you down back to the sea each time you think you have conquered the summet. Ba&^ard!

Anyway, 2 hours had gone by now and the (dis)assembled pack was getting restless. Not least because the handy 50cl bottles of water handed out could not possibly suffice for the SAS trial and because serious sugar intake was required. Not quite the Wall, but you get my drift. Where the heck’s the beer stop?????

Fortunately, the gorse bush gave way to a downhill trail (where we were stopped by 2 mountain bikers asking if said bush was doable for them. "Course it is, mateys…!). More to the point, the smell of beer was in the air. Yes, a boat laden down with 1 tonne of goodies was sighted, together with the more sensible hashers nabbing the best parts of the buffet. Time for lunch.

Far too soon, the fantastic spread was consumed and it was time for off, but only after Sudsucker, our very own David Bailey, had taken a group photo with the boat (only problem being the assembled hashers hiding the boat). Runners went one way, walkers down the beach and the boat off to the next beer stop, with Cap’n Henry (aged 7 ½) at the helm, ably navigated by First Mate Rachel (aged 9) and Commodore Charlotte (aged 63/4).

The second half of the hash was a blissfully short one, especially for those runners who elected to follow the walkers’ trail. Beer stop 2 over, it was time for another short’un back to the ferry terminal, in time for mass ice cream eating before the crossing over to the mainland.

Knackered, that’s how I felt, but duty is duty, so we prepared the beer and Big End’s fantastic "Intent Cordial" for the circle, to be held on the breathtaking Point within VVFs grounds (hint to property developers – there’s some good real estate to be developed here).

Cocktails devoured, it was time for the Circle, ably led by Padre. The victims are too many to mention but you know who you are. Special mention, though, to the following:

• Padre for being late for his own circle
• Event organisers for a great one
• Dr Jeeves, Vampire Tea Bag & friends for being picked on by Padre as they were late to arrive and had to leave immediately to catch a plane
• Higgins for being, well, Higgins

And so it was that hashers left pretty sharpishly to doll themselves up for the big Saturday night event. However would they be dressed?