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In Your Papier
EDITO On! On! How to set a run NEXT RUN El Toro R*N REPORT Scriptease (walkers) Supermarket Trolley (runners) Run News
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VICTORIA FALLS HASH Extended Weekend: Thursday 20th April 2006 - Monday 24th April 2006 French Nash Hash 2006. Friday 22nd September - Sunday 24th September. Presqu'ile de Giens 3 days of action packed Interhashing in Chiang Mai in 27-29 October 2006
It was a fantastic Sunday for hashing, high in the hills near Gourdon. Having assembled in the car park we got very brief verbal instructions from Padre – i.e. “Don’t follow the person in front of you!! Follow the flour!! If you don’t follow the flour you will get lost!! In some places there is no flour and instead there are blue plastic ribbons on the trees so look for them as well. Runners this way; walkers that way!” And then we were off. There were a few virgins amongst the walkers, one wearing large, dark Chanel sunglasses and she had an Yves Saint Laurent handbag strung over her shoulder… We immediately started walking up a hillside through the scraggly, prickly undergrowth. We noticed beautiful little daffodils here and there along the track and our newcomer with sunglasses and handbag asked me “Is that the flower we are meant to be following?” Naturally I had to explain what we were in fact looking for!! Up the hill we went and came out of the woods onto a dirt road. We turned right, went up another hill with bare winter trees everywhere, brilliant sunshine and blue sky, and then walked along another dirt road. The aforementioned virgin informed me that most of the walking she had done in the past was around the shops. We lost the trail. There was general wandering about until somebody eventually found the “W” showing us the way down a small track through the oak trees. Then our hare Confusion got lost! We sighted a blue ribbon, but what did it mean? Which way was it pointing??? We found another blue ribbon and then a dirt road which went up another hill and through the woods again and then we got lost again. I decided to follow Confusion… yes I know that was against Padre’s instructions but better to follow the hare who hopefully had done the track a few times before, even if her name was Confusion! A blue ribbon on a twig showed us the next path and we went down a trail – in the distance we had a beautiful view of the mountains. Going down hill was slippery because of the long grass and dried oak leaves. Some of us were very unsure on our feet and we got strung out over a long distance. One by one the runners came crashing by, blowing whistles and shouting OnOn, moving at a great pace down the hill. And suddenly we were at the beer stop and being offered champagne and birthday cake to celebrate the 18th birthday of RHHH. Fantastic! In fact it was the second year the 18th birthday had been celebrated because last year we missed number 17 and called it 18!! But anyway it was great to celebrate it again and have a cup of champers and a piece of cake. And did I overhear Padre offering to kiss Eric somebody or other…. hmmm…. Anyway then it was time for the second half of the run which turned out to be a gentle stroll down the hillside and around the corner and back to the car park. We assembled for the down downs and my colleague on the running track will fill you in on all of that. Many thanks to our hares Big End and Confusion for a fantastic run and walk. After the circle closed we drove off in a long cavalcade of cars through tiny country lanes in the afternoon sunshine to Big End and Padre’s place for lunch and the England vs France rugby game. Big End and Padre’s place turned out to be in the grounds of a magnificent old country mansion with fabulous gardens and terraces surrounding it. We were offered beer or wine and then we went for a wander around the gardens. And did I overhear Madame Mooton offering to watch Dirty Dingus relieve himself behind a tree?? hmmm….. Anyway Big End had excelled herself (once again) with the meal which started with a wonderful selection of salads and hors d’oeuvres, followed by a choice of three different chilli dishes and rice, and then cheese platters and delicious cakes and tarts for dessert. And as much beer or wine as you wanted of course. The rugby was on the TV and we sat on the couch and the floor to watch the terrible bloodbath of the English by the French. I know nothing about rugby I have to confess and I am neither English nor French so the result was neither here nor there to me, but I could definitely see the look of despair and disgust on the rugby fans assembled in that room. For those not interested in the game there was always the thrill of watching the players…. hmmm he’s not bad looking that one, pity he’s wearing blue and running over the line with the ball….. And so ended another wonderful day in the country with our hashing friends. The fine weather and the promise of Big End's home cooking certainly brought the hashers out in their droves with a final tally of 27 participants. With a tight schedule ahead of us (France v England at 4.00 pm), the hares got us off to a prompt start at 11.30, sending the runners, with Rachel a new virgin in tow, and the walkers, in opposite directions. For the runners it soon became apparent after a few hundred metres that this was going to be a course for the mountain goats and not the running connoisseurs. Perpetual Motion had wisely decided to stay in the Var, presumably in his new abode by now. We were surrounded by tons of white rocks on which the flour was well camourflaged, with the ground covered in decaying leaves which hid lots of ankle breaking pot holes beneath, with the trail going in a generally upward direction. This was definitely a hash full of surprises with Confusion living up to her name by setting trails in all directions at the checks without placing a cross at the end of the falsies, or was the flour cleverly disguised on the white rocks, -we shall never know? In addition, some of the false trails were set before the check was in sight. To add insult to injury, there were two whistle blowers on this course, namely Big End and Dirty Dingus, who were invariably blowing in opposite directions. Fortunately, Padre seemed to have some inside information and was able to lead us back onto the straight and narrow, but not before losing Sadist over the horizon, not to be seen again until the beer stop. In the absence of Sadist, Dirty Dingus seemed to think it was his duty to take on the role of wounded soldier and promptly somersaulted over a boulder picking up some impressive lacerations. Fortunately, neither the rock or his camera were damaged. Taking advantage of all this mayhem, Prestressed tried to lead Rachel the virgin astray down a false trail, but Rachel the wise woman that she is was having none of it and completely ignored him, Skinny Arsesue will be glad to hear. Too Cheeky kept getting left behind and then would suddenly reappear looking very flushed and panting heavily, usually with Pete No Name in close attendance. At one point Too Cheeky asked for a drink of the magic fluid from my bottle, but failed to tell me until we got back to the car park that she was really sick the previous day, long after I'd finished the remainder of the amber liquid. When we were not getting lost or tripping over ourselves, we were able to enjoy the fantastic views and the masses of spring flowers underfoot. Finally we arrived back at the beer stop where there was chilled champagne and birthday cake awaiting us to help celebrate the Hash's 18th Birthday. The only time Fly Me was seen to sprint all day was when second helpings of champagne were going begging. Also waiting for us at the beer stop was Nicker Licker who was unable to make it for the start as she was cruising up and down the Croisette in Cannes in her flashy new motor. Before we moved on to the second part of the course Skinny Arsesue very discretely whispered to the scribes that she was going to take a leak in the bushes. As we prepared ourselves to take on the second half, Supermarket Trolley's eyes lit up when she realized that we were only 300 metres from the car park by road. However, it was not to be and the hares pointed us back into the woods. At this point Charlotte announced that she was too exhausted to go on and that she would be joining the walkers. Spookily, Pete No Name suddenly developed a shoulder injury and announced that he to would be walking the second half. After more of the same for 30 minutes or so, we finally arrived back at the car park where there was some decent beer for a change which included Guinness to celebrate St Paddy's Day, Stella Artois and Budweiser (but not the American crap), and so onto the down downs: Hares: Big End & Confusion Late comers: Mad Max & Madame Mouton who got lost (no surprises there) Fouling the trail: Skinny Arsesue & Madame Mouton St Patrick's Day Sadist (no shamrock):, Padre, Anne of Cleavage, Shepherd's Bush Dirty old man award: Pre-stressed Leading Chris a stray: Charles, Eric & Annette No mug: Farty Bum (one more get out of jail card to go) Wilfully misleading runners: Padre Bungy Jumpers: Sadist & Dirty Dingus Getting left behind: Too Cheeky Birthdays: Nicker Licker Returners: Chris, Jenny, Pete No Name, Eager Beaver, Big End, Nicker Licker Virgins: Rachel, Vincent, Madison, Terry, Cheryl, Kate SOW: By an over whelming majority - Padre And finally, Padre presented Farty Bum with a champagne cork to help her out with her gastrointestinal problem. A big thank you to the hares Big End and Confusion for setting the trail and to Big End for making the birthday cake and doing the catering. Note from Editor Padre asked me to give 'a special thank you to Stell Artois for providing the Vegetarian food before buggering of to Budapest for a dirty weekend with Mr.Pizza.' His words not mine. |
Upcumming Events
Also see the Receeding Hare Line! NEXT RUN El Toro
French Nash Hash 2006 Interrhash 2006-27-29 Oct 2006 |
