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In Your Papier
EDITO On! On! How to set a run NEXT RUN Contessa R*N REPORT Anonymous Run News
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VICTORIA FALLS HASH Extended Weekend: Thursday 20th April 2006 - Monday 24th April 2006 3 days of action packed Interhashing in Chiang Mai in 27-29 October 2006
Firstly may I take the opportunity to wish all my readers a hashy new year and a riddle from a Christmas cracker. Q: "What is the similarity between George Best & Gary Glitter?" A: "Neither could refuse just one more little tot". Fast rewind 16 hours to Cumalot's party. Quote "It won't be a difficult run etc, etc because you will all have had a very heavy night". Q: "How do you know when a hare is lying?" A: "When he leaves the party immediately after seeing in the New Year & before the Champagne is finished". I think I might be getting ahead of myself here. Bit like the run, where everybody else was too. A bright, windy but dry day dawned, allowing Jobsworth to reset the run after the previous night's rain destroyed the trail. At the appointed hour, a hardy and motley crowd gathered at the back of Cap 3000 ready to stand around & talk. But not to run. Absolutely Pathetic called the rabble to order; Jobsworth issued instructions about following flour & not running through crosses in order to make the beer stop, but nobody listened as Dirty Dingus was not among us. A quick burst of activity later and the pack left the car park looking for trail, with Big End immediately disappearing behind some boats to check their bung holes were clear (I think that's why she was bending over, anyway). Wedgie went leaping over the large breakwater boulders like Julie Andrews on speed (but without the skirt and singing…and good looks). The C*ntessa suddenly lost 300 metres over a 50 metre section of obstacle, which I put down her being a woman, until she pointed out that she was in Chicago just 24 hours before. What was a mere hop, skip & jump for Julie Andrews, sorry Wedgie, was more like the North Face of the Eiger to Rachel & Henry. Obstacle finally negotiated, on to the check on the RN7. The logical way to go was to the airport, so the pack went in the opposite direction, barring Perpetual Motion, who had long since disappeared over the horizon by the time I caught up with the hare & a few others. Jobsworth pointed us towards Perpetch (who was now declaring his lunch box in the customs hall) & called the FRBs back, but to no avail. So, we have Padre worried that he will have to give Absolutely Pathetic the kiss of life as his heart rate monitor is showing 8.9 on the Rectum Scale and desperately hoping for Two Cheeky to arrive to allow him to do a runner. Given the state of his digestive tract infection, it's the only part of him that's likely to be running today. Meanwhile Big End was finally back on trail having untangled her knicker elastic. If you haven't followed this paragraph, you are as one with the FRBs who resolutely refused to believe the hare when he told them they were not on trail and half way to La Gaude rather than in the airport. Just because you see flour and chalk, it doesn't mean you have run the whole trail (hare's note - dicing death on a 8 lane highway with no flour should have been a clue as to going off trail). Meanwhile, the LWB could not care less as they were too busy talking to even notice that the river bank was full of twitchers with more observational equipment than the US secret service & hoping to sight an Ohmagoolies bird colony landing in the reeds on the banks of the Var. From here, the LWB had a 5 minute start on the FRBs, who themselves had a 20 minute start on the slow bastards who were running the extra 3 km. Eventually, though, all arrive at the scenic beer stop, perched high above the river Var to enjoy the views, except for Two Cheeky, who, having run the whole way, had to phone all her non hashing friends to tell them of the achievement. Beer stop over and the LWB set off with Skinny Ah So sprinting to the front, eager to get going, whilst the rest were content to leisurely finish drinking their beverages. The runners set off at 90 degrees to the LWB, including Two Cheeky who was by now being well looked after by Paedophil, who stated that if she was prepared to give Absolutely Pathetic the kiss off life, he would do the same for her. By now, you must be wondering why this is called "The Shitty Run". Well, it was about here that Voyeuse's concentration lapsed for a split second as she turned to answer Farty Bum's question, which was "Have you managed to avoid all the dog turds so far?" You can guess the rest….. Klingon was dancing around the woods way out in front, shouting On On all over the place, with the pack going up & down the hill like a whore's drawers, whilst Padre was ambling around the contour some 50m below until both met & waited for the pack to catch up. One more check and we are out of the woods & back onto the road chasing the walkers again. By now, Cumalot was really struggling as Rachel & Henry were full of energy, but he wasn't. Prestressed was just about keeping in front of Big End as she berated him for not calling On On. It's her way of letting him know that this is non competitive, but she chased him all the way to the end. Sadist was running silently to conserve his energy, whilst Harley D and Two Cheeky were telling Farty Bum & Voyeuse that they knew where they were, so were by definition on trail. However, they demonstrated this clearly by asking a local, who broke the bad news to them gently and slowly, ensuring that the reached the On In just in time to finish the last of the picnic so thoughtfully provided by Noname Jenny & Cumalot. The circle then commenced, with down downs awarded to: A knackered hare - Jobsworth Food - Cumalot Visitors - Lokum & Voyeuse (don't worry Wedgie & Cream Puff, we'll get you next time) Virgin - Valerie (At this point, 14 month old Amelia and Paedophil had reached the limit of their attention span and were distracted by the bright lights in the sky as the Juan les Pins fireworks commenced). Absolutely Pathetic eventually managed to imbue some semblance of order to finish the down downs with: Returners - Absolutely Pathetic, C*ntessa, Mad Max Funny head (who said head?) wear - Harley D Hogmonay - Klingon (in abstentia), Harley D, Two Cheeky Welsh Honours List - Sir Tom Paedophil & Lady Big End Driving over Absolutely Pathetic's foot with a baby buggy wheel covered in dog shit - Farty Bum Golden Showers - Big End Special commendation for running so far after being a walker for so long - Two Cheeky And, the Gingangoolie nominations (formally known as shit of the week) went to: - Two Cheeky for using her phone to obtain coaching info whilst running - Mad Max for wasting beer on Harley D - Cumalot for not inviting C*ntessa to his party The winner was……Two Cheeky, with her red wine down down suitably administered by Paedophil whilst telling the following blague "George Best was told some good news & some bad news. The bad news is that you only have 1 hour to live; the good news is that it's Happy Hour!" With that, good night from me & good night from him. Thanks to Jobsworth for running himself into the ground so that we could enjoy ourselves and a special thanks from the Hair Razor Big End to C*ntessa for stepping in to volunteer for the next run at short notice. I think it woz the jet lag wot made her put her hand up. Advance notice - it looks like it will be in the Menton area. Finally, don't forget that January 24th is the Haggis Run. PS, according to Prestressed's GPS, the FRBs ran 11km and the short cutters who also went to the airport about 14km. PPS, what I want to know is why Cream Puff left the party early saying "see y'all tomorrow" and then went to lunch instead. |
Upcumming Events
Also see the Receeding Hare Line! NEXT RUN Contessa
Interrhash 2006-27-29 Oct 2006 |
| R*n 506: NEXT HASH RUN
Contessa Contessa’s ‘Over the Border’ Lemoncello Run! Ventimiglia *Featuring bella vistas, medieval citta, lemoncello down downs, cucina Italiana and surprise entertainment! Directions to run #506 on January 15th.Start time – 3 pm for a 3:30 start. 6pm finish and Circle. On On d 18h:30 ‘Haressse’ Contessa tel: 06 15 06 92 14 Co-Hare – KlingOn tel: 06 15 49 63 23 Arriving: by Autoroute - Drive to Italy, sortie Ventimiglia, after paying toll, curving around down towards the town, (passing over truck loading docks and riverbed). Head towards Ventimiglia (blue signs). As you cross the high bridge, be sure to travel in the right lane and turn right immediately from right lane off the bridge. At the end of the street (next corner), turn left then right (see directions marked on the road: ‘Mare’) and pass through the arched tunnel marked ‘Marine San Giuseppe’. Once through the tunnel make a right and drive to the end of the road along the beach (dead end) and park some where near the fishing port and beach (plenty of parking in lot across the street too).by Bord de Mer Leave Menton, cross the frontiere, drive through Latte, keeping along the coastal road. Make sure to turn right to stay on the coastal road towards direction, Ventigmilia Alta Citta (do not go through tunnel) Continue past Museo Archeologico, down the hill (roadwork here) At the bottom (across from magazine kisoque) you make a hard left to pass into the arched tunnel marked ‘Marine San Giuseppe’.Once through the tunnel make a right and drive to the end of the road along the beach (dead end) and park some where near the fishing port. Pleanty of parking on beachfront road or opposite fishing port in parking lot. by Train Arriving by train in Ventimiglia Statzione, walk straight out of station towards the river on Via Statizone which becomes Via Republicca. You will see the Giardinni Publici gardens with palm trees. Walk across the foot bridge (observing ducks and swans below) crossing river to Marina San Giuseppe. (you will walk past the San Giuseppe Restaurant where we’ll have the ‘On On’) Contiue walking along beach road (Pass. Marconi) all the way to the end to the small fishing port. RHHH parks & starts there. Last trains to Fr. should be at 20:18; 21:50; 23:32. Check for sure.. from San Remo coastal road by car (or bike from Roma!)Arrive in Ventimiglia from Bordigera to main strada C;So Genova. becomes Via Cavour crossing Ventimiglia ‘Centro’. At roundabout, access bridge to cross the river (left) (Ponte Cassini). Enter arched tunnel marked ‘Marine San Giuseppe’.Once through the tunnel make a right and drive to the end of the road along the beach (dead end) and park some where near the fishing port. Pleanty of parking on beachfront road or opposite fishing port in parking lot.
On-On Ristorante San Giuseppe, P.zza Marconi 14, Marina San Giuseppe. tel +39 0184 34 169 *Meal starts 18:30; as it get dark by 18h., I made special arrangements to accommodate everyone hungry who wants a drive home by 8pm.Also, it is dark by 6pm.Restaurant San Giuseppe is on the beach, abt 700 meters down the street, opposite end of the road from where the ran began. Three course Italian meal, your choice from menu Turistico, ( example; antipasti buffet, & pasta, or have prima piata & fish or meat and dessert) includes wine and entertainment! Special negotiated cost -18 euros for meal. Café not included.
See you there!
Chi incontra buona moglie ha gran fortuna! Contessa
For map click here
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